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December 3, 1999/24 Kislev 5760, Vol. 52, No.14
Book released in time for dealing with 'December Dilemma'
ELIZABETH APPLEBAUM
Special to Jewish News
For Rabbi Daniel Gordis and his family, Hanukkah is not simply a "cute" holiday. Cuteness, he explains, implies haste and thoughtlessness.
During Hanukkah, a family should do more than light candles and open presents. The Gordis family supplements candle lighting and present opening with songs, latkes (potato pancakes) and serious discussions about the holiday. During those conversations, they consider Hanukkah's many messages, which include, "the power of the weak, good overcoming evil, Jewish survival and miracles." Doing this, Gordis says, makes the holiday a spiritual time.
In his new book "Becoming a Jewish Parent: How to Explore Spirituality and Tradition with Your Children" ($24, Harmony Books), Gordis offers both inspiration and practical instructions for Jewish parents, including suggestions for dealing with the infamous "December Dilemma," as well as celebrating Jewish holidays in a meaningful way.
In a recent interview, Gordis said that he wrote this latest book to encourage parents "to consider how we communicate our love of Judaism to our children, (without) a 'take-it-or-leave-it-attitude.' "
Ordained at the Conservative Jewish Theological Seminary, Gordis says that parents whose lives are fully "immersed" in Judaism - its traditions, literature and religious rituals - don't feel uneasy at Christmas (or on any other non-Jewish holiday) because their children understand that the issue is not about exclusion, but about "standing for something." Furthermore, if their lives are fully enriched by Judaism, children will not feel they're missing out during the Christmas season. There are, after all, numerous Jewish holidays that are festive.
Gordis offers this advice to guide parents in celebrating Hanukkah: "Educate yourselves so you can speak meaningfully about Hanukkah; otherwise, the word that children will most commonly associate with it will be Christmas, and that will be a sad commentary on the Jewish lives we're providing them."
To that end, Gordis provides a complete history of the holiday in his book, along with explanations of Hanukkah traditions, such as eating jelly-filled doughnuts and foods fried in oil. He encourages parents to make Hanukkah fun by using an oil menorah rather than one with candles, or having children make the latkes.
Parents also should engage children in age-appropriate discussions about the holiday. Gordis points out that the Talmud says the true hero of the holiday is not Judah Maccabee, but God.
"The subtle implication is clear: Jews ought to wait for God to bring about their salvation and should not presume to bring that redemption about themselves. After all, the rabbis remind us, Jewish revolts against Rome and other occupying powers usually resulted in utter and devastating disaster."
Hanukkah also is an ideal time to teach children about ritual. They can, for example, reflect on the real purpose of lighting one candle the first night and eight on the last night. Gordis says that adults and children alike should consider what Hanukkah implies about our responsibility as Jews to those who are oppressed as we were in ancient Greece. And while he encourages parents to discuss the "December Dilemma" with children, he advises not "to make this the central concern of your existence; that should be reserved for living in such a way that your children see how fulfilling, rich and fun a Jewish life really is.''
This article was originally published by Jewish Family & Life!, the online magazine at www.JewishFamily.com. It was distributed by Jewish Telegraphic Agency.
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