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September 10, 1999/29 Elul 5759, Vol. 52, No. 1
Crumby repentance
Just for fun, try a variety of breads for different kinds of sins
SPECIAL SECTION: HOLIDAY FEATURES
Taking a few crumbs to tashlich (casting-off-of-sins ritual) from whatever old bread is in the house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious sensitivity. I would suggest that we can do better. Instead:
- For ordinary sins, use - White Bread
- For exotic sins - French Bread
- For particularly dark sins - Pumpernickel
- For complex sins - Multi-grain
- For twisted sins - Pretzels
- For tasteless sins- Rice Cakes
- For sins of indecision - Waffles
- For sins committed in haste - Matzo
- For sins committed in less than 18 minutes - Shmurah Matzo
- For sins of chutzpah - Fresh Bread
- For substance abuse/marijuana - Stoned Wheat
- For substance abuse/heavy drugs - Poppy Seed
- For auto theft - Caraway
- For petty larceny - Stollen
- For arson - Toast
- For timidity - Milk Toast
- For being sulky - Sourdough
- For silliness- Nut Bread
- For not giving full value - Short Bread
- For jingoism - Yankee Doodles
- For risking one's life unnecessarily- Hero Bread
- For excessive use of irony - Rye Bread
- For telling bad jokes - Corn Bread
- For hardening our hearts - Jelly doughnuts
- For being money-hungry- Enriched Bread or Raw Dough
- For warmongering - Kaiser Rolls
- For immodest dressing - Tarts
- For causing injury or damage to others - Tortes
- For promiscuity - Hot Buns
- For promiscuity with gentiles - Hot Cross Buns
- For racism - Crackers
- For sophisticated racism - Ritz Crackers
- For davening (singing) off tune - Flat Bread
- For being holier-than-thou - Bagels
- For unfairly up-braiding others - Challah
- For indecent photography - Cheesecake
- For trashing the environment - Dumplings
- For the sin of laziness - Any Very Long Loaf
- For being hyper-critical - Pancakes
- For political skullduggery - Bismarcks
- For over-eating - Stuffing Bread or Bulky Rolls
- For gambling - Fortune Cookies
- For abrasiveness - Grits
- For pride - Puff Pastry
- For cheating - Bread made with Nutrasweet and Olestra
- For being snappish - Gingerbread
- For impetuosity - Quick Bread
- For incompetent child rearing - Raisin Bread
- For negligent slip-ups - Banana Bread
- For dropping in without warning - Popovers
- For trying to improve everyone within sight - Angel Food Cake
- For being uptight and irritable - High Fiber or Bran Muffins
- For sycophancy - Brownies
Special thanks to Robbie Fein, who is responsible for the original inspiration.
Richard J. Israel originally compiled this list for Jewish Family & Life! on the Web at www.jewishfamily.com. It was redistributed by Jewish Telegraphic Agency.
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