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June 11, 1999/27 Sivan 5759, Vol. 51, No.37
Listen to your child, use creativity when planning milestone event
TAMI BICKLEY
Staff Writer
These sea creatures were designed by David Gould, owner and operator of Impact Event Design in Phoenix, to go with an underwater theme.
Photo by Phil Gudenschwager
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It's time for your child to officially enter the realm of adulthood by becoming a bar/bat mitzvah - a milestone that seemed light years away only 13 years ago. And now, it's up to you to make one turning point in your child's life unforgettable.
Perhaps you have been a guest at more of these religious/social gatherings than you wish to recount. And maybe at each one, consciously or subconsciously, you made mental notes of what worked and what didn't. Chances are, if your child is 12 or 13, he or she has attended at least a handful, and has made mental notes, too - albeit very different ones from yours.
In the coming months, your child will learn the religious and secular meanings and responsibilities associated with becoming a bar/bat mitzvah. In addition, he or she will learn to recite a Torah portion and other prayers, which, as many parents know, requires hard work and dedication. So at the end of the service, when your child utters the last Hebrew words from the Haftorah, he or she (and possibly you) may be ready to celebrate this once-in-a-lifetime event.
But where do you begin? What will work for your family and your budget? What's popular in party-throwing as we approach the new millennium?
These are some questions you may ask during the preparation of your child's big day. But with a little advice and guidance, the process and end result can be enjoyable and memorable for your entire family.
Begin by talking
First, you should sit down with your family (the bar or bat mitzvah candidate included) and discuss budget and general ideas about the overall scope of the reception, says Debra Oberhand, an event planner who started Impressive Events in Scottsdale in 1993.
There may be some areas, such as location or food, that will require compromises. Or, there may be aspects of the reception that, when raised, result in shrugs or blank stares. In that case, you may want to call a local event planner.
Among the event planners in the Valley who are experts at parties associated with this Jewish milestone are Oberhand, who plans a variety of events around the Valley, and Charlee Geisler, founder of Signature Events in Scottsdale. Geisler also plans anything from corporate parties and events, to weddings and bar/bat mitzvah parties. She began her business in 1991, after she received praise for the job she did organizing her own son's bar mitzvah celebration.
Event planners will make up-to-date suggestions, work within your budget, and, if you choose, handle all aspects of the planning, from booking reservations to designing centerpieces, say Geisler and Oberhand. Another added benefit of using event planners is that they can lessen your worries during what can be a very stressful time.
"(Having an event planner) really alleviated a tremendous amount of stress for me," says Jacqueline Kay of Paradise Valley, whose daughter, Rachel, celebrated becoming a bat mitzvah on May 15 at the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Phoenix.
"(The planner) was there all night, making sure everything ran smoothly. I didn't have to worry about the party at all. I just left it in her hands. It was the best day of my life."
If you do wish to employ an event planner, you should call the planner a year to six months before the occasion, advises Oberhand. This allows for planners to reserve a desired location, and gives everyone enough time in which to make informed decisions, she says. This call should be made before all others, advises Geisler.
"I've had people come to me and say they've already hired a photographer and videographer, and then they want me to take control from there," Geisler says. "It's very hard at that point to try to (work with) a vendor I don't usually work with. It's important that (clients) use the vendors I (suggest), and I give them several from whom to chose.
"The reason I chose those vendors is because I've had good experiences with them. ... And that's what people are looking for in me. That I'm giving them the best."
But the best doesn't always mean the most expensive, says Oberhand.
"People often think that using an event planner is more expensive, but actually, I work with caterers, (hotels), rental companies and entertainers all the time, and they'll give me a better deal than they will give to (a stranger)," Oberhand explains.
Fees paid to event planners can vary depending on a number of factors. If you only need an event planner to make and provide centerpieces and decorations, for instance, the cost will be lower than if the planner is in charge of organizing the entire reception. Also, the more elaborate a reception, the more time involved; therefore, the event planner may charge more, especially if the fee is determined by the number of hours worked. Some planners charge a flat, hourly fee, usually around $25 an hour, according to Oberhand.
Upon hiring an event planner, he or she will schedule a meeting with you and your child, either together or separately.
"I always want to meet with the child and see what (he or she) is envisioning," says Oberhand. "Then I talk to the parents and we try to come to some sort of compromise."
At the first meeting, you and your event planner will usually discuss the basics, such as budget, possible locations, entertainment and themes. You will also decide how much (or how little) control the event planner will have over the event.
When the big day arrives, your event planner will likely arrive, too. Most event planners monitor entire receptions "until the linens are picked up," says Geisler. Geisler and Oberhand each try to attend all of the events they plan. If, however, they must schedule two events for the same day or time slot, each will have an assistant attend one of the two parties. But both event planners say they try to avoid such situations.
Get organized
The following steps are suggestions - some from Geisler, some from Oberhand - regarding the order and manner in which you should go about planning a bar/bat mitzvah reception.
Even when using an event planner for the entire occasion, it is still suggested that these steps be considered, even though the event planner will book all reservations. If you're hiring an event planner for a portion of the planning, you may personally have to book some reservations.
If you're not using an event planner, you should visit a variety of locations; taste their food or the food of different caterers; view the work of various entertainers; and get as many price quotes as possible in regard to all aspects of the event.
Location, location, location
After you determine a suitable date and time (lunch or dinner) and the approximate number of guests you will invite, it's time to decide where the affair will take place.
It's important, Geisler and Oberhand note, that you talk to your child to find out what he or she envisions. Maybe your daughter sees herself celebrating in a colorful garden; or your son loves animals and has his heart set on the Phoenix Zoo. It's easiest to choose a location when you know what setting will best complement your child's interests and taste.
"Kids seem to want their (receptions) at more original sites, rather than at banquet rooms or hotels," says Oberhand. "They're having (receptions) at the Arizona Science Center, the art museum and at the zoo."
Choose a theme
A bar/bat mitzvah reception is an opportunity for child celebrants to express themselves by incorporating their interests into the entire party.
Rachel Kay chose the theme of designer fashion for her bat mitzvah. Each table took on a different designer name, decorated with "Hollywood-like" centerpieces, says Jacqueline Kay. In accordance with the theme, Jacqueline Kay had a "candy lady" make designer shoes out of chocolate for each table.
Kay hired David Gould, owner and operator of Impact Event Design in Phoenix, to design the centerpieces. He says there are myriad theme possibilities these days.
"Some popular choices in themes are underwater themes, beaches, Broadway, jungle and safari," he says.
Oberhand says themes have changed slightly over the years, in that teenagers are favoring "more mature" ideas, such as science fiction themes, or ones that are more educational. The new millennium has also sprung a few ideas, she adds.
"Not only are kids getting more creative with their themes," she says, "but they are incorporating them into the whole party, including the food. I did one bar mitzvah where planets and the solar system was the theme, and they served Saturn souffl‚ and Pluto pudding."
Geisler says that she has seen a resurgence of themes such as '70s and "Grease"-related ones, Hawaiian ones (which were popular in the mid-1980s), dance and sports.
Order invitations
Invitations should be ordered several months before the event, and should typically be sent out about six weeks prior to the occasion to allow for response time, Oberhand explains. You and your event planner can come up with ideas for the invitation design, and the planner can order them.
If you're on your own, visit stores that specialize in party and event invitations. You or your child may wish to incorporate his or her theme into the invitations, but Geisler advises against this.
"I try to stress to (clients) that this is a religious event," she says. "You may (include) the colors (of the event) on the invitation, so it's a hint of what's to come."
That's entertainment
If your guests remember anything about your child's bar/bat mitzvah party, they're going to remember the entertainment, if it's worth remembering, say party planning experts.
If you don't have an event planner, talk to friends who have had good experiences with disc jockeys or live bands. If you attend a party and are impressed with the music or other entertainment, such as palm readers or game coordinators, approach them on the scene or after the party, or get their number from the person who threw the party.
Keep in mind, though, that your musical taste is probably different from your child's musical taste, and you want the children at the party to have a good time, says Geisler.
"All kids want a D.J., and parents want live bands," she says. "But live bands cannot play the music that the kids like. So if you want a live band, do a live band and a D.J. If you can't do both, focus on your child, because it's (his/her) event. The adults will be happy with a D.J., and the kids will be very happy."
Capturing memories
When the event is over, you and your child will be able to treasure the memories of the day with photographs and/or a videotape.
If you're making this selection yourself, again rely on references, if possible. If not, be sure to view several samples of work to find the individual who suits your needs best.
Not everyone hires both a photographer and videographer. Laurie Zinker of Phoenix hired only a videographer for her daughter Brandi's bat mitzvah last March. If she chooses, she can have photos made from stills of the videotape.
Catering options abound
Food and drink are often highlights of any party or big event. And these days, say Geisler and Oberhand, there are many meal options, even if you are locked into using a specific caterer by a hotel or banquet facility.
Oberhand says she can find the perfect caterer for every budget. She also knows what has to be done in order to kasher (make kosher) a kitchen that's not normally set up in accordance with halachah (Jewish law).
While almost all caterers will accommodate special requests, such as vegetarian or diabetic meals, it's up to you as the host to imply on the invitation that special meals will be available.
Some hosts choose to offer two different meals - one for adults, one for children, says Oberhand. And, she says, more and more people have been choosing buffet-style meals to keep the majority of their guests happy. This also alleviates the hassle of assigned seating, she adds.
Also, it is very important, Oberhand and Geisler say, that you and your child taste the planned food before anything is decided.
Ask your caterer and/or site manager (if you're not using an event planner) if they supply tables, chairs and linens. You don't want your guests napkinless and sitting on the floor.
If they are not provided by the caterer or included in the price of the room rental, get quotes and view what is offered beforehand. Then, get outside quotes from rental companies, and make your decision based on price and the overall look of the rental items.
The old rule that states you should offer an open bar in the evening still applies, says Oberhand. In the daytime, however, you can get away with serving unlimited or limited wine and beer; or even having a single champagne toast.
Most hotels and banquet facilities will not allow you to serve any alcohol purchased elsewhere, so check with your location first before buying cases of your favorite brand. Alcohol is one of the greatest expenses of a reception, notes Geisler, so don't offer an open bar without making sure it's within your budget.
Decorations enhance room
The good thing about decorations is that there are no set rules, and, if you or someone you know is creative, you can spend little money and still beautifully enhance a room, say party-planning experts.
Details to keep in mind include the obligatory sign-in board, with your child's blown-up picture and/or place cards.
For a recent bar mitzvah with baseball as its theme, Geisler created centerpieces around catcher's mitts and baseballs, and made the place cards out of baseball cut-outs.
If you're looking for very elaborate decorations, event planners can suggest party decorating experts in the Valley.
Gould, who decorated for parties all over the country before settling in Phoenix almost a year ago, says he can design just about anything, including moving parts and fabric props. He suggests contacting him no more than six months in advance because "kids' interests and hobbies change all the time."
Knowing what to expect and what questions to ask while you're still in the planning process of your child's bar/bat mitzvah will alleviate last-minute misunderstandings and let-downs - and then this milestone can truly be one of the best days of your lives.
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