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March 19, 1999/2 Nisan 5759, Vol. 51, No. 25
Rabbi shares favorite 'receiving line' stories
Name escapes me, but your faith is familiar
RABBI BOB ALPER
Special to Jewish News
One of my very favorite cartoons, an old "Wizard of Id," depicts a minister on his pulpit, proclaiming in several frames, "Love thine enemy! Love one another! Love is the way!"
Then in the final illustration, as he greets people at the door, he's thinking: "This is the part I hate the most."
I actually enjoy receiving lines and the chance to go one-on-one with the faces in the pews. Like most clergy, I hit some troublesome moments early in my career, but quickly developed those skills required to ensure a pleasurable experience. For the sake of my younger colleagues, I am happy to share some of these indispensable techniques. Here is some advice on what to do when confronted with:
- The question, "Rabbi, do you remember my name?" This poses a threatening, frequent challenge, the honest answer to which is "not a chance" - unless you happen to be Rabbi Dale Carnegie. One colleague likes to smile and say, "No, I don't recall your name, but your faith is familiar." I've found a more effective approach is to say, "Tell me what it is," and when they do, look amazed and exclaim, "Absolutely right!" The person will walk away impressed, elated, and, mainly, confused.
- Ugly infants. Face it - most newborns are pretty homely, with their squished red faces and matted hair. They quickly become adorable, but what can a rabbi say when the proud grandpop whips out seven Polaroids taken in the delivery room? I usually examine the photos closely, nod my head approvingly, and smilingly intone, "Now, THAT'S a baby."
- Hunger pangs. It's axiomatic: The longer the receiving line, the less chance that there'll be any schnecken (small coffee cakes) left when you finally get to the tables. Which is why one should make certain that the line of congregants passes from left to right only. That way, the rabbi can shake a person's right hand and, with his or her left hand, subtlely but firmly grasp the person's elbow and push him speedily on his way. Try it. (If they're moving from right to left, forget the pastry.)
- The kissing question. Kiss one, kiss all. Every rabbi has a personal style. Formal, informal, kissers, huggers, etc. Just be consistent. If Mrs. Horowitz sees the rabbi kiss Mrs. Marcus, and then receives a warm handshake when her turn comes, she will not feel affirmed.
- Germ fears. Most germs, we have learned, are transmitted by skin-to-skin contact, especially through the shaking of hands. This is why it's a good idea to scope out the crowd during the service, and identify snifflers. When these people come through the line, even if they are total strangers, hug them.
As soon as the last person has gone, wash your hands thoroughly. And keep a handkerchief ready in the event you're confronted by people with a tendency to spray their words. You can receive a pretty good dousing, especially during the springtime holidays, when being wished a Happy Passover.
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