First-timers say they can't wait to return

Editor's note: Heidi and Irwin Shapiro, first-timers on the recent federation Israel at 50 Mission, had hoped for years to visit the Jewish state. Actively involved in the community at Valley Jewish Day School and Beth El Congregation, they were deeply committed to Jewish life. Two of their three sons traveled to Israel as teenagers, but plans for a family trip never materialized. Their thoughts both before leaving and upon returning from the mission reflect the profound significance of the trip for them and others.

Heidi:
Oct. 26 - Too excited to sleep, my day dawned, literally, at 4:30 a.m. I've been waiting with impatience to experience Israel for myself for years (please let everyone I love stay well enough for me to leave Phoenix, etc.). I know this is going to be more than simply a great vacation. It's a mission. I know the mission leaders hope to inspire in us a more meaningful Jewish connection. I'm looking forward to learning, growing and stretching my present perceptions. My own personal mission is for Irwin and I to arrive home, next week, feeling more connected to the Jewish people as a whole than we ever did before.

Irwin:
Nov. 6 - It is 9 p.m. in Israel (noon Phoenix time) as I walk back into our home. We left the hotel in Jerusalem 23 hours ago. So why am I sitting down and writing before unpacking? Before even showering? The answer is simple. I don't want to let go of the feeling.

When Heidi and I first discussed going on this UJA mission, I must admit I was happy, but not overly excited. I went with rather bland feelings and definite preconceived notions. Yes, I am Jewish. I, like Heidi, was raised in a Conservative kosher household and went to Hebrew school. My father was probably the most religious in our house, but I lost him when I was 16. I had taken my Jewishness for granted. Like a veneer, it was exposed and seen, but I never felt it through and through.

As we embarked on this mission, I recall asking someone on the plane, "What is this really about? What's it all supposed to mean?" The reply was simple: "When you get back, you'll either say 'I got it!' or 'I didn't get it.' If you come back saying it was a fun trip, a nice vacation, a good time - 'You didn't get it.' " Sitting here, expressing my feelings, well, I definitely got it. But I knew that long before this moment.

The morning of our first day, we climbed the Golan Heights by jeep. For the first time, I could see and understand the vulnerability of Israel. Syria to the northeast, Lebanon to the north, Jordan to the east. And there I am ... standing right there, realizing that Damascus is a mere 35 miles away, Jordan is within my sight. Instead of reading about this, I'm experiencing it, and fully breathing in the courage and tenacity of my people, myself!

We visited the detention camp of Atlit. I had no idea that camps like these, British detention camps for broken Jewish immigrants who survived the Holocaust, existed on Israeli soil. People who survived the most dreadful extermination in history were freed, only to be incarcerated in camps like these upon reaching the shores of Palestine. I can't imagine the fear they must have felt. My heart cried.

In Haifa, I spoke to a university-educated Palestinian poet and asked her, "If the Palestinians were granted their own independent state, would you move?" She responded, "Why should I move? This is my home." I witnessed Arab and Jew living in peaceful co-existence.

Entering Jerusalem atop Mt. Scopus and seeing the lights of the holy city sent chills down my spine. Hebrew University situated there told me that this ancient city is alive with youthful vitality and growth.

Our first night in Jerusalem, even though we were tired, we decided to go to the Western Wall. Standing there, I said kaddish (prayer usually said by mourners) for my mom and dad; a prayer for my wife and three children, and walked back to the bus. I didn't think it had affected me much. But when I sat down, the tears welled up. Even now, sitting and writing, my eyes moistened again. There was a connection. Some way my dad knows that I was at the wall; that I was with him; that his spirit transcended from wherever it is to be with me, at that moment.

As our days continued, I saw the compassion, intelligence and strength of Israel as a whole; the ingenuity and indomitable spirit; the plurality of Israeli politics; the will to live with spirit and survive.

I saw topography, I learned history, I saw archaeological digs. But the most important thing I learned is what I learned about myself. Today, I take great pride in who I am as a Jew. I returned with great pride in my homeland Israel. And now for me, I can honestly say with greatest conviction, "I got it!"

Heidi's postscript:
Each time people ask us, "So how was your trip?" Irwin and I answer, "Emotionally overwhelming, spiritually enlightening. Enriching, exhausting ... great fun and much more than fulfilling. Israel has accomplished a lot, but she is still a fledgling nation ... only 50 years young! We look up in prideful admiration at every Israeli citizen, soldier and child we met. We will never forget their spirit and courage.

"Irwin and I now compress our many deeply shared feelings for Israel into one Hebrew word: L'hitraot! (We miss you already!) And both of us can't wait to return."

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