Messages from Jonesboro
Tragedy points up need to strengthen family relationships
YEHUDAH FINE
Special to Jewish News
As the families of Jonesboro, Ark., mourn the recent loss of four precious children and a heroic school teacher - apparently at the hands of two gunmen who were children themselves - the nation's Jewish community also searches for answers. We all hope to hear something that can put this ongoing tragedy into perspective. But sadly, most Jewish families are not sitting down to the dinner table to discuss their confusion.
Our children feel frightened and alone in their hearts. After all, irrational violence has taken its toll throughout history. Day after day, we pick up the newspaper and read that another child has laid down and died.
We question: "What's happening to our kids?"
We blame: "It's that TV show 'South Park' and the violence it exhibits!"
But that doesn't help right now. What we can do, is to work harder on our relationships with our children. Here are some suggestions:
- Talk to your children about everything - sex, drugs, relationships, depression, suicide, etc. Children want to know what you think.
- Share your own struggles with your kids. They need good examples of how to face problems.
- Tell your kids you love them, and why. Be specific about their good traits and actions.
- Ask your kids what was fun and difficult in school today. This signals that you are involved in their life. It also helps you to know if they're starting to get in trouble.
- Go with your children to synagogue, movies, ballgames, etc. Your kids do want to spend time with you.
- Talk about what you believe in - God, love, compassion, truth, kindness, honesty - and your uncertainties about these topics.
In spite of all the hard work, trouble can come anyway. Teens do make big mistakes. But parents don't have to be haunted by the knowledge that they were not there for their child.
And if enough parents and people of good will decide to go out on the line for our children, then there will be a brighter day.
Yehudah Fine, a noted lecturer and family therapist, is author of "Times Square Rabbi - Finding the Hope in Lost Kids' Lives" (Hazelden), and a member of the guidance staff at Yeshiva University in New York. He regularly appears live in America Online's Addiction and Recovery Forum.
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