Laban a role model?
Torah study
Chayai Sarah/Genesis 23:1 - 25:18
Laban is one of the most perplexing characters in the Torah.
On the one hand, the Passover Haggadah focuses on Laban as someone even more wicked than Pharaoh himself: "Pharaoh merely attempted to murder the male children, whereas Laban sought to uproot every thing - the entire nation."
Yet Laban serves as a model for our marriage customs. The very words with which Laban and his family bless Laban's sister Rebekah, just prior to her departure to meet her betrothed Isaac, are the words a Jewish groom says to his bride when he places the veil over her head: "O sister! May you grow into thousands of myriads; may your offspring seize the gates of their foes" (Genesis 24:60).
Moreover, Laban deceived Jacob by giving him his elder daughter, Leah, rather than his younger daughter, Rachel, for whose hand the ardent suitor had worked for seven years, with the excuse that: "It is not our practice in our place to marry off the younger before the older" (Genesis 29:26). And all things being equal, traditional Jewish families today strive to marry off the older daughter before the younger.
Further, the sages have noted that when the Torah refers to righteous people, they are introduced using the word for "name" first, as in "his name was," followed by the actual name. And the Bible introduces Laban: "Rebekah had a brother whose name was Laban" (Genesis 24:29).
So how do we reconcile the contemptible Laban of the Haggadah with the model Laban for marriage ceremonies, the righteous Laban?
In Laban's world, strangers did not speak to girls in the street. If a girl did speak to a man in the street, her brother would make it his business to find out what was going on. And if she entered the house wearing jewelry, the family would immediately grow suspicious.
So when Laban runs outside to meet with the man who gave his sister jewelry in the street, this is a noble action on the part of Laban. He is protecting his sister.
Not only does Laban protect his sister in this week's portion, but throughout the Torah, whenever it relates to his immediate family, Laban shows sensitivity and concern - albeit at the expense of others. When it comes to his own family, his dedication and devotion know no limits.
The same is true when Laban makes the agreement with Jacob regarding marrying both of his daughters, and even later, when Jacob wants to return to the land of his forefathers. From the perspective of Laban, Jacob returning to his father's house would bring unnecessary danger upon his daughters and grandchildren. Plus, there is no family business back in Canaan, no partnership that Jacob can join. Laban believes Jacob has everything he could possibly need - a good job, a good income, a nice house, even respect from the local council. Hence, Laban will stop at nothing to prevent Jacob's departure.
From one point of view, Laban's dedication to family is honorable and praiseworthy. In fact, in this respect, we emulate him.
But Laban's narrow vision is a source of grave danger to Jewish destiny. With Laban at the helm, we would never turn toward God and listen to his words. Instead, we'd happily sit with our paychecks and allow Jewish destiny to be perverted and sidetracked.
We'd be converted from the world of ladders connecting heaven and earth, to the world of Wall Street and investment, cattle and livestock.
From the very first moment we're introduced to Laban, we see him running. The question we have to ask is, if his destination is the same as ours, if we want to join him on his track. To do so would be to uproot everything God desires to be our destiny.
Rabbi Shlomo Riskin is the spiritual leader of the Jewish community in Efrat, Israel.
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