Standing against harrassment

LENI REISS
Senior Contributing Editor

That was one of 14 quiz questions posed to sixth graders one recent morning at Solomon Schechter Day School by Jennifer Gleason of the Valley-based Center Against Sexual Abuse. There was no consensus on the answer among the nine classmates - six female, three male - but the question, and 13 others, generated some lively conversation as to what constitutes harassment versus "just having a good time."

The give-and-take is what Gleason, a CASA prevention specialist, aims for with this activity, geared to get youngsters "starting to think about what sexual harassment is."

Gleason was at the Schechter school through the efforts of Esther Battock, a volunteer family-life educator for Planned Parenthood. Battock is the parent of a Schechter student and is also an occasional Schechter faculty member who leads sex-education units for fifth and sixth graders. Class projects include take-home activities, in which students interview parents about "how they felt going through puberty" and "how Mom and Dad felt when they were dating."

This is "communicating rather than being lectured at," Battock says, and it often sets up opportunities for parents and children to really share what is on their minds. "Kids don't have to wait until they are in their teens to talk about, for example, safety rules for their bodies, and to define values, responsibilities and acceptable behavior."

The point is made that these nine youngsters are operating in a small group, in a safe environment, but most will be going on next year to public schools, where they will be positioned to redefine their comfort zones and boundaries, where peer-to-peer harassment may well be rampant.

"When I heard about this CASA program, I thought it would be perfect for them," Battock says. Faculty and parents were enthusiastic, so the invitation went out to CASA and Gleason, who travels throughout the Valley to bring her message to classrooms and organizations.

Students respond
On her visit to Schechter, Gleason divided students into three groups and asked two groups to list the characteristics of "flirting" and "harassment," defining the latter as "unwanted activity, physical or verbal, of a sexual nature." Here's what they came up with, with a minimal amount of giggling and an impressively mature down-to-business approach:

Flirting: Compliments, winking, listening, being nice, paying attention, phone calls, smiling, sending notes. Also, flowers, gifts, talking, sitting next to, dating.

Harassment: Touching, insults, kidnapping, kissing, crank calls, rumors, gestures, threats, stalking, eavesdropping.

The third trio listed the potential negative effects of unwanted sexual attention: bad thoughts, low self-esteem, skipping school, running away, avoiding people, suicide, drugs, alcohol, pills, gangs, violence.

In the discussion that ensued, Gleason pointed out that items in the "flirting" and "harassment" categories can overlap and be misinterpreted - for example, phones calls may become nuisance calls and/or crank calls and too much attention may make the recipient feel uncomfortable.

She told the class that findings indicate victims of harassment typically tend not to come forward. "They feel awkward, embarrassed, afraid that no one will believe them."

In fact, a Louis Harris and Associates study reports that more than 60 percent of girls and 40 percent of boys aged 13 to 17 say they have been "touched, grabbed or pinched in a sexual way." Sexual harassment is against the law, regardless of whether the perpetrator is another student, a school employee or an individual connected to the school district, merely by being associated with an organization with which the school has a contractual agreement.

"The school needs to know if it is happening," Gleason says. "Talk to someone you trust, your teacher, principal, school nurse, guidance counselor. Problems do not go away on their own, but usually get worse," she warns. "You have the right to feel comfortable and protected. You should get the help you need."

After class, students discussed the session. "We all kind of knew a little bit about this," says Jessica Rosenblum, "but this is the first time we really talked about it."

Mary Sarah Zilversmit expressed surprise that "it could get so bad that someone could commit suicide."

From Jeremy Jalowiec, "This could really screw up your life."

Sixth-grade teacher Sherry Saper says that Schechter alumni tend to be more confident and at ease in most situations than their public school peers. "They shine when they get out there," she says. "But, what might be interpreted in our family environment here as friendly teasing could be interpreted otherwise in the middle school environment. It'll be a whole new ballgame."

Saper says the CASA session could well make a difference. At the least, she says, "the girls may feel safer verbalizing their concerns, and the boys may think before speaking."