Dad wants daughter to date within faith

Dear Bonnie:
I am the father of a 27-year-old daughter. We would prefer that our child date and marry within the faith. However, from what I have been told, there are minimal opportunities for Jewish girls between 21 and their 30s to meet similarly aged Jewish men. She has been unsuccessful with JDate-type services. It appears that dating possibilities do exist for those who are college-aged and those 35 years and above (cruises, etc). What dating potential exists for Jewish women between these two age groups?

A Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent:

I have good news for you: Contrary to what you have heard, there are more opportunities in the community-at-large for single men and women between the ages of 21 and 30 than in any other age group.

I would recommend that your daughter look at the singles section of the calendar in Jewish News as well as call the various Jewish organizations and synagogues in the Valley to find out when events are taking place where she can meet other Jewish singles (for a list, view the Jewish News community directory at www.jewishaz.com). Now is the time in her life to go out, meet new people and have fun and exciting experiences. There are single travel groups here and in other cities that she can look into. Through the Jewish Federation of Greater Phoenix, she can travel to Israel and Europe together with other young single men and women.

If she enjoys working out, she can join the Valley of the Sun Jewish Community Center and exercise early in the morning or around 5 p.m., when a lot of her peers are there before going to or after coming back from work. If she's interested in learning more about our traditions, while at the same time meeting single Jewish men, she can look into classes through Aish Hatorah, the Phoenix Community Kollel and other institutions. If your family belongs to a temple, you, your wife and daughter might consider speaking with the rabbi about creating a singles group to address the needs of your daughter and other members of approximately the same age.

In addition to joining specifically Jewish groups, she can get involved with organizations that are comprised of like-minded people, of the same age with similar interests. Whether their goals are related to social action, concern for the environment or supporting the arts, she will meet many Jewish people along the way. There are also a variety of matchmaking services she can sign up for, such as Great Expectations. By looking at the profiles of the other members, she can choose to meet men who have the qualities, characteristics and religious background she desires. She shouldn't limit her search to just here in Arizona. With JDate and Great Expectations, she can get in touch with men who live in other cities as well.

It also might be fun for her to start visiting Los Angeles, which has a large number of single men in her age range. She can learn about the various activities offered from the Los Angeles Jewish Journal and can attend Shabbatons and other weekend seminars and conferences that have been created primarily as a way for Jewish men and women to meet and find their life partner. If she enjoys the weekends in L.A., then there is always New York, too.

The greatest determinant to her success is her desire to marry and to marry within our religion. If having children and raising them according to our traditions is important to her, then now is the time for her to take the steps to find the person she can build a Jewish home with. It takes a lot of effort to make our dreams come true. It also takes a belief that they can be actualized. I hope that these new avenues lead your daughter to her heart's desire ... and yours as well.

Psychotherapist Bonnie Barness of Scottsdale is the author of the workbook, "Finding the Balance ... A Guide to Sane Living." E-mail bonniebarness@yahoo.com.

Home