Get help from local resources
JENNIFER GOLDBERG
Special Sections Coordinator
When Joey Svetly of Paradise Valley was diagnosed with deafness at age 1, his parents didn't know if he would ever speak or understand English, much less Hebrew. But thanks to a network of local support, Joey celebrated his bar mitzvah last month at Temple Beth Israel.
Parents of special-needs children need to start extra early with b'nai mitzvah preparations, says Laurie Person, development director at Council for Jews with Special Needs.
"Most synagogues (schedule) a date for a bar or bat mitzvah two years prior," she says. "Certainly before that time, you need to identify your child to the religious school director as having special needs." Parents are "going to need to work with the religious school director and the clergy as to what kind of adaptations they're going to need for the service, and how those can be accommodated," she adds.
The Council for Jews with Special Needs is an invaluable resource for parents beginning this process. Over the years, Person estimates the council has assisted with 50-75 special-needs b'nai mitzvah. "We work with all kinds of different families to help them and their synagogue to adapt what typically happens," she says. Typically, this can include finding tutors and helping synagogues modify religious school curricula to accommodate students of varying abilities.
Andrea Svetly believes in the wisdom of starting early. "My rabbi (Rabbi Stephen Kahn) joked, 'Joey, your mom's been e-mailing me for 10 years, before I was even rabbi here.'"
Svetly also recommends that parents' first step be talking with their child about their wants and needs for a bar or bat mitzvah.
"Talk to your child and find out what their expectations are of themselves, what they feel they can do. Are they comfortable getting up in front of people?"
Next, "make sure everyone who is involved with working with your child knows what their particular situation is. You as a parent really have to be much more involved with the preparation."
Rabbi Erica Burech, who heads the religious school at Temple Beth Israel, says that the b'nai mitzvah preparation process "is based on everyone's individual ability. We want to challenge everyone and stretch everyone, but we also want it to be a positive experience. It's important to provide opportunities, and if it means changing the program around, I think it's a really rewarding experience for everyone."
For Joey Svetly, whose cochlear implant has allowed him limited hearing since age 3, extra preparations meant special tutoring and lots of hard work on his Torah and haftorah portions. But the straight-A King David School student was a star on the bimah, says Andrea.
"We didn't know if he would be able to do it," she says, "and to have him get up in front of everyone, rise to the occasion and speak so beautifully gave me an awareness of how hard he has worked to get to this point, and how important it was to him to be able to do this."
Person and Burech agree that special-needs children can and should have meaningful celebrations like the rest of their peers.
"Judaism encourages all of us to participate in the fullest way that we can," Person says. "I've been to services where individuals have a great number of needs, and the joy on their face while participating is overwhelmingly rewarding. Just because they can't speak or can't walk doesn't mean that they don't understand and get joy from Judaism."
Burech adds, "Every Jewish student should have an opportunity for a Jewish education and a Jewish celebration, and that's what we want. That's the mitzvah we need to observe - to provide every single Jew with an opportunity to be part of a Jewish community."
Call Council for Jews with Special Needs, 480-629-5343.
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