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May 13, 2005/Iyar 4 5765, Volume 57, No. 37
Letters bring compassion to ailing Tucson man
TAMI BICKLEY
Special to Jewish News
Sometimes all we need is an emotional boost to get us through a day. A simple gesture of kindness from a stranger may be our remedy.
For people such as Alan Riman, who face the uncertainty of a grave illness, acts of humanity can lift their spirits and add hope to the black hole that has become their lives.
Every day Riman, 56, wakes up in his Tucson home feeling lousy. He spends mornings feeling lousy, until he realizes it's afternoon and he still feels lousy. He sleeps about 15 hours throughout the day, partially to forget that he feels so lousy, but also because his body is weak and cannot maintain the energy needed to stay awake.
Riman suffers from end-stage liver disease and awaits a liver transplant. In May 2004, he was placed on the National Transplant Registry list. End-stage liver disease is a chronic inflammation of the liver, which causes cirrhosis. The liver is then unable to filter blood and toxins from the body.
Twenty-five years ago, Riman lived in his native Boston when he was diagnosed with adult-onset asthma. Doctors treated him with Prednisone, a steroid. The drug caused his liver to swell, and eventually, after unsuccessful treatments for liver inflammation in 1988, his liver developed cirrhosis.
In 1998, Riman moved to Tucson in search of "dry air" to relieve his asthma symptoms and neck pain from an earlier car accident, he says. It worked, but his liver condition worsened.
"Living is fighting to survive," he says, adding that medical experts from Banner Good Samaritan Transplant Center in Phoenix, which dispatches workers to care for liver-disease sufferers in Tucson, "cannot tell me how long it will be (before I may die). They try to keep (me) well for as long as they can ... (until a liver becomes available)."
Meanwhile, Riman's medical expenses show no signs of slowing. He owed approximately $7,200 in out-of-pocket medical expenses last year. The average cost of a liver transplant is $314,000. Follow-up anti-rejection medications cost about $22,000 per year for the duration of a recipient's life. Riman says his current expenses are insurmountable, as his sole source of income is a disability annuity from the federal government. In addition, Riman says he receives $300 yearly from Jewish Family & Children's Service in Tucson.
Despite the letdowns, acts of compassion from 100 miles away have boosted his mood and reshaped his outlook on life this year, he says.
The unexpected support came in the form of letters written by schoolchildren at Pardes Jewish Day School in Scottsdale. After reading a Jewish News story about Riman's ordeal ("Ailing Tucson Man Seeks Help," Sept. 24, 2004), Pardes Hebrew teacher Daphna Gold shared the article with her middle-school students. As coordinator of the school's social action program, through which students volunteer to help the needy in a variety of ways, Gold encouraged her students to reach out to Riman. So touching was his story, she recalls, that the children immediately wanted to inform Riman that they were concerned for him. So they wrote him letters inquiring about his health and about his dog, Wilber. Also, they sent him donated food, various gift certificates and food and supplies for Wilber.
"He was so touched," says Gold. "He was writing to us and the kids then wrote back as a class." One student personally wrote him "little notes," explains Gold, that each contained a positive message such as, "Have a nice day."
For Riman, those little notes went a long way.
"I'm so grateful that at least someone has become so responsive to my needs. I really need the support badly," Riman says.
The correspondence has resumed on a regular basis to the point where it's part of the students' curriculum, Gold explains, adding that she thinks it's important to incorporate tikkun olam (repairing the world) into students' teachings. Riman agrees with Gold, noting that he volunteered as a Jewish Big Brother in Boston; has helped those with cerebral palsy and muscular dystrophy; and has volunteered at homeless shelters.
"That's why I greatly appreciate all the efforts being done on my behalf," he wrote in a recent letter to Gold. "At a time when my life seems so dismal, I know that there are kind, reaching hands ready to stand behind me."
Gold explains that through contact with Riman, her students are learning invaluable lessons such as, "Life is not easy for everyone. Being sick with a terrible disease is not easy, and they are learning to be empathetic to other people. They realize that the world needs to be repaired. We not only talk about it (in class), but we are coming into contact with people in need."
Therefore, by reaching out, both Riman and the students benefit, she says.
"The kids smile when they read his letters," says Gold, "especially when (Riman) mentions each child by name," making them feel like a special part of his life.
Next fall when the school year resumes, the students plan to remain in touch with Riman, Gold says. Meanwhile, there is a chance Riman may come to Phoenix if the transplant group needs him to undergo testing or treatment here. If so, the Pardes students would be delighted to finally meet Riman in person, Gold says.
"Until then, it doesn't matter what they write (to each other), as long as they write," she says. "These kids should be very proud of themselves because they are doing what they are supposed to be doing."
Anyone interested contacting Riman may write to Alan Riman, P.O. Box 8774, Tucson 85738-0774, or e-mail alanriman@aol.com.
Tami Bickley is a local freelance writer.
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