Exercise caution in gym flirting

The gym is a dangerous place for singles. Aside from the danger of getting caught reading a back issue of a popular women's magazine on the stationary bike or dropping a barbell on your foot, the gym is rife with hazards for the young and the single, particularly single men.

My gym, a JCC, is a great place to work out, but lacks some of the social amenities that often draw single men to the gym. I am not sure a gym is really the best place to meet women, but there is always a glimmer of hope. I have heard that commercial gyms and workout centers cater to a more "social" audience. Is there a better way to attract a woman than doing a full-flexed post-workout pose-down? And there are few things in life more alluring to a single guy than an athletically-inclined woman in spandex.

Nevertheless, I prefer a JCC for numerous reasons, among them the fact that joining and working out there gets me involved in the community. Second, the fact that most - not all, but most - of the people there are Jewish, thus increasing the odds of meeting a nice Jewish girl.

When I lived in Cleveland in the early-to-mid '90s, one of the first things I did was join the JCC, where I worked out almost every night after work and made a handful of pretty good friends. My initial social network grew out of my JCC membership there.

Back here in New Jersey, I work out several times a week. Since I spend an inordinate amount of time lifting weights, riding stationary bikes and walking the treadmills, the gym is an integral part of my social life, even if I do not always talk with everyone there.

As a single male, however, I have awakened to the dangers someone like me faces at the gym. I am not sure women face the same hazards, but I suspect that they have their own gym-related issues, mostly wrapped up in body image hang-ups.

Perhaps the most perilous aspect of single male-dom in the gym is observing the other people there. There is a fine line between catching a peek of a woman contorting and stretching in front of you and leering. The last thing you want to do is get caught gaping. It is embarrassing as well as creepy.

That's where the subtle scan of the room is helpful. Peripheral vision and mirrors help out. It is like looking at a solar eclipse: don't look directly at it, you may burn your retinas. Women can accept these hints, too. But few men worry about women checking them out.

Also, one of the biggest concerns at my gym is the social status of many women there. My gym caters to a family crowd, which means one of two things: married women and teenage girls. Neither population really appeals to me.

I seem to have a difficult time these days determining whether the woman working out next to me is even a woman or just a mature-looking teenager. It is nice to converse with the people around you, but guys have to be cognizant of appearing lecherous. Even if your motive is totally benign, you have to be careful. I may sound like an old fuddy-duddy saying this, but the kids today seem very mature.

On the other side of the spectrum are the married women. When I was in my 20s, I was not too concerned about mistakenly putting moves on a married woman because most of the women in my age bracket were still single. I'm not sure I ever really had moves in the first place. But now, in my 30s, my dating age range spans more than a decade of potential women. The bulk of that range now falls in the engaged or married range. Thus, there is an inherent risk of accidentally flirting with a betrothed woman.

A subtle glance at the hands is usually enough to see a wedding band or an engagement ring. Women with this jewelry might as well wear a giant sign saying, "Don't Look," "Out of Order" or "Just Sold."

But I have noticed an insidious element lately. For some unfathomable reason, some women take off their wedding and engagement rings for their workouts. Why do you do this? Does the jewelry impair your workout? Is that rock that heavy combined with the weights? Does it all get in the way?

This nearly led to an embarrassing situation several months ago. I noticed a very attractive woman doing sit-ups smiling at me. Maybe I was paranoid or just vain, but I really think she smiled at me. I noticed there was no wedding jewelry and thought maybe, finally, there was a chance to meet an attractive woman at the gym. I smiled back and hoped to get some small talk going. I balked, though, and I am glad I did not try to get flirty with her because a week later, I saw her someplace with her husband and kids - a happy and fit family.

I have noticed some other attractive women without their heavy jewelry on during their workout but have seen them around with their husbands and kids.

I enjoy the gym. As a retired high school athlete, being physically fit is an important part of my life. It also helps release stress. I enjoy the social benefits of the gym, too. I have just two words of advice to men and women, married and single, at the gym: Exercise caution.

Roy S. Gutterman is a New Jersey-based writer. To contact him, visit www.Lrev.com.

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