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January 14, 2005/Tevet 4 5765, Vol. 57, No. 20
Haunting memories
Holocaust survivors' support group debuts in Phoenix
DEBORAH SUSSMAN SUSSER
Associate Editor
Magda Willinger came to this country as a teenager, almost 60 years ago now. The accent around the edges of her English is only slightly noticeable as she talks about how she and her mother survived Auschwitz, and about how they were on a forced march out of another concentration camp in Poland when the Russians liberated them.
Willinger left the horrors of the Shoah behind her when she came to the United States in 1946. Like so many other refugees, she started a new life. "We were so busy raising families and becoming American citizens and working and making a living that we put everything aside," she recalled. Now that she is older and has time to reflect on her life, however, "the old memories are coming back."
Willinger says that she's not alone in suffering from an onslaught of difficult memories. Other survivors she knows are experiencing something similar. That's why she and a friend approached Rabbi Marty Scharf and Dr. Gary Goodman, who run a support group for those caring for aging loved ones, and asked them to start a support group for survivors.
Scharf, who serves Kivel Campus of Care, and Goodman, a geriatric psychologist, recognized a good idea when they heard it.
"I made contact with the president of the Phoenix Holocaust Association and spoke with him," Scharf said, "and he said, 'Yeah, absolutely, there's a need for it.' He said people may not want to come forward, people may not want to talk about it. And we said that's fine."
Speaking as the son of survivors and as the president of the Phoenix Holocaust Association, David Kader said that in his 20 years of working with survivors here in the Valley, he has found that the very elderly do start to reminisce, and that "survivors as a subgroup have pretty painful memories. The recollections, as one would imagine, have a degree of intensity and a kind of urgency."
As far he knows, this support group is the first of its kind locally.
Kader also noted that there are certain memories or events that come back "without one seeking it out." As an example, Kader relates the story of his own mother, a survivor of the Polish ghetto, who saw a little bird landing on a branch outside her window one morning and had to lie down for the rest of the day. "It took her back to a ghetto experience," Kader explained, "being a young girl trapped in a home ... She sees this little bird and boom, this memory from over half a century ago asserts itself."
Every survivor's experience is unique, said Goodman, who has worked with survivors in his private practice. And yet, there are certain issues that are likely to come up for many of them in the support group. "I expect to see a lot of surprise that they're having the kinds of problems that they're having," Goodman said. "They've survived things that a lot of people can't even talk about, they're so horrible. Then they got their life on track, and the people that I run into have been very productive, very successful in life, very much in control of their life. All of a sudden as the issues of aging and illness arise, there are things in their life that they can no longer control. Which is like the time earlier in their life when they couldn't control the factors in their life that were caused by the Holocaust."
For Willinger, it began with her husband's Alzheimer's. "I became depressed," she said, "and the memories keep becoming more vivid."
Goodman stressed that the support group is not a therapy group. "The reason for the support group is to facilitate mutual support among people who have had a shared and unique experience," he said. "These are people who've gone through a hard time, and they're not really looking for treatment. They're looking for support."
The support group for survivors of the Shoah will meet for the first time 10-11:30 a.m. Wednesday, Jan. 19, at Beth El Congregation, 1118 W. Glendale Ave., and will meet in the Beth El Library on the third Wednesday of every month thereafter. The group is sponsored by the Shalom Center at Temple Chai and by Beth El Congregation. Call the Shalom Center, 602-971-1234.
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