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December 17, 2004/Tevet 5 5765, Vol. 57, No.16
Revealing ourselves
Torah study
JOUI HESSEL
Parsha Vayigash/Genesis 44:18-47:27
Imagine it: You think you truly know a person - after all, you have shared so much in common: a home, parents, pets, even DNA. Years and years go by and you still see the person as you knew him. You still think the two of you share similar interests and worldviews, and you have no reason to believe otherwise. Then one day it becomes clear that some of your interests and perspectives are in fact not similar at all.
In Vayigash, Joseph reveals himself to his brothers and asks them to bring their father back to Egypt. At long last, the family is reunited. The scene in which Joseph reveals himself to his brothers is touching. Overcome with emotion, Joseph says to his brothers, "I am Joseph. Is my father still well?"(Genesis 45:3). His brothers are stunned and say nothing. Joseph persists, saying, "I am your brother Joseph." (Genesis 45:4).
Vayigash allows us to witness the moment in which Joseph reveals himself to his brothers. For the reader, this account is not surprising - we know this man is Joseph. But for the sons of Jacob this is truly a surprise, for they did not realize that this man was their brother. The scene climaxes with the mixed flood of emotions the brothers surely felt.
For many of us, the concept of revelation is difficult to grasp, especially when the revealer is seemingly known to us. Revelation occurs when the true identity of a person is shown to another. This can happen publicly or, as in the case of Joseph and his brothers, in private.
Revealing oneself can be frightening, even agonizing. It can be that much more so when the communication is a serious, large facet of oneself. For example, when a person discloses an addiction, it can be a difficult revelation. First, the addict must wrestle with the challenge of admitting the problem to him- or herself. Then, the person must face the difficulty of disclosing the addiction to loved ones.
Since the reality of an illness like addiction is hard for family members to understand and accept, the setting for the revelation is important. When Joseph reveals his true identity, he wisely does so in private. For families of addicts, this can be compared to the private family counseling sessions that take place at addiction rehabilitation centers. In these sessions, families begin to explore the true identity of the addict - the actions they have committed, the drugs they have abused, and the raw feelings and emotions within them.
The true identity of an addict is never the same as what the addict presents to the family or the outside world. Instead, the true identity has been hidden from the very people who truly desire to know the addict. This revelation is a difficult process that hits at the very core of the family structure. The hope is that one day, the family unit will function in a healthy manner that leads to relationships of trust, communication, and love, instead of lies, manipulation, and false identity.
When Joseph reveals his true identity to his brothers, he says, "I am your brother Joseph." The words "your brother" underscore the importance of the family bond that connects them. This family bond made it possible for Joseph to be honest with his brothers. When addiction is involved, and a family member gets to the point of revealing who he or she truly is - an addict - may we, the family members who love this person, remember the importance of the sentiment "family first." Familial love and connections have made it possible for this person to be honest with him- or herself - and with us. Only with this support can a family begin the process of teshuvah, of repentance and forgiveness.
Joui Hessel is an associate rabbi at Washington Hebrew Congregation in Washington, D.C. She also serves on the CCAR Youth Committee and the CCAR Task Force on Addictions. Torat Chayim of the Union for Reform Judaism is at www.urj.org/torah.
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