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November 26, 2004/Kislev 13 5765, Vol. 57, No. 13
Reunion fails to achieve unity
Torah study
VALERIE LIEBER
Parsha Vayishlah/Genesis 32:4-36:43
The scene of the long-anticipated reunion between Jacob and Esau, after years of estrangement, turns out to be more an awkward encounter than the violent confrontation that Jacob had feared, but less than the happy reunion of twins that we desired.
In this chapter, it becomes evident that Esau has long ago made peace with his brother and his own lot in life. He sees blessings in his circumstance, despite the fact that he did not receive the grander blessing Jacob did. Jacob too views his fate as blessed; however, he has not made peace with the past. He seems cursed with the inability to move beyond the emotions of that earlier betrayal.
Jacob fears that Esau will attack him. He is so afraid that he behaves stiffly, as though petrified with anxiety. He moves toward Esau with a practiced, inauthentic formality, bowing seven times as he approaches. Conversely, Esau - authentically in touch with his emotions - runs to Jacob, embraces him, and kisses him. They both cry; Esau sheds tears of joy at the reunion, and Jacob cries tears of release from his pent-up dread.
In Parsha Toldot, Jacob betrays his brother by pretending to be Esau. When Isaac asks Jacob who he is, he lies and says, "I am Esau." From that moment until now, it is as though Jacob has shed his own authentic identity and is unable to simply be himself. Here we see him hiding behind a mask of false humility and making excuses, so that he does not have to spend any more time with Esau than is absolutely necessary. He is afraid of Esau - not that Esau will kill him, but that Esau will unmask him as a fraud. Though very different from Jacob, Esau still knows him better than anyone else ever has or ever will. Jacob is unsettled at being around this man who might bring out his authentic personality once again.
Esau has none of this fear. The older twin wants to reconcile and pal around with his brother again along the way to Seir. Failing that, Esau wants to provide protection for Jacob and his family along their journey.
While the Sages of rabbinic tradition suggest that it is Esau who behaves falsely and fakes his delight, this is not born out in my reading of the Torah text. Rabbinic tradition teaches that Jacob avoids going with Esau because he fears that such proximity will cause him to adopt Esau's gentile values and practices. Esau is said to be the ancestor of the Romans who later oppressed the Jews, forbade them to practice Judaism, and destroyed the Temple. Thus, the Rabbis of tradition praise Jacob's hesitance with Esau, explaining it as a technique to avoid assimilation and capitulation to power.
I prefer to read the story without the overlay of historical and political symbolism, though that perspective is intriguing. Instead, I see this as a human story of twins whose natural state is to be united as brothers, but who, because of past wrongs, are unable to trust each other fully.
Jacob owes Esau an apology but does not even attempt to ask for Esau's forgiveness. Jacob uses gifts and gestures of humility to pacify his brother but does not give his own heart. Jacob holds back from offering real teshuvah (repentance). He gives Esau no opportunity to offer true forgiveness, because Jacob cannot forgive even himself. Though Esau seeks real reconciliation, Jacob's guilt and lack of honesty stand in the way.
The encounter in Vayigash lacks both reconciliation and reunion. Jacob misses his opportunity to find unity of self and the camaraderie of brotherhood. In reading this parsha, we can explore the loneliness that follows missed opportunities for real teshuvah, forgiveness and reconciliation.
Valerie Lieber is the rabbi of Temple Israel of Jamaica in Queens, N.Y. Torat Chayim of the Union for Reform Judaism is at www.urj.org/torah.
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