Rabbi Shmuley explains away fear

It's hard to imagine that Rabbi Shmuley Boteach would have time to be afraid. Speaking from his cellular phone as he walked along the streets of Manhattan, he not only fielded questions about his new book, but managed to carry on several other intermittent conversations.

Would you expect less from a man who was rabbi to the students of Oxford University at the tender age of 22 and now hosts a nationally syndicated radio program called "The Shmuley Show"?

And yet, Boteach says, he wrote "Face Your Fear: Living with Courage in an Age of Caution" (St. Martin's, $23.95 hardcover) precisely because he has had, in his words, "a lifelong struggle with fear, like most people."

"Actually," he corrects himself, "unlike most people. Most people don't struggle with it - they surrender to it. I've always believed that fear is the most debilitating emotion. I've always felt that it has nothing but a de-structive impact."

Boteach will speak in Sun City West on Nov. 14 (see box).

As in his bestselling book, "Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy," (Main Street Books, $14 paperback), in "Face Your Fear," Boteach combines popular culture, religious learning and common sense to get his message across. The message in this case - that we have nothing to fear but fear itself - isn't new. But Boteach's appealing, take-no-prisoners approach seems especially apt in a post-9/11 world.

Boteach says he had the idea for the book long before the attacks of 9/11.

"I've always wanted to do a book about fear," he says. "In speaking to my literary agent, Robert Gottlieb, about what my next book should be ... he said, 'I think it would be helpful in this climate of terrorism.' But I did not write the book as a book responding to the fear of terrorism."

According to Boteach, our greatest fear - the fear from which all other fears stem - is that we don't matter.

"And even the fear of death is part of that fear," says Boteach, "that the world will continue with-out you, and that means you aren't ever ir-replaceable. I think we spend life trying to prove that we do matter."

Boteach's prescription for overcoming fear involves the orthodox, as it were - prayer, connecting to community, belief in your own destiny - as well as the unorthodox. In a chapter titled "Principle #12: Kill Your Television," for example, Boteach argues that our obsession with celebrity culture distracts us from the things that really matter, such as "getting a life."

"I would exhort you to turn off your televisions and to turn your attention to the very real people in your life deserving of this attention," Boteach writes. "Do you really need a long-lens shot of Cameron Diaz furniture shopping in Beverly Hills?"

Boteach points to celebrities like Donald Trump as purveyors of fear. He argues that if you "prove you matter like Donald Trump did, by putting your name on every building and bragging that you have golden toilet seats, you're just really catering to this fear."

Boteach also believes the more we escape into fiction, the more we exacerbate our fear.

"Inadequacy," he says, "is what drives consumer culture."

The good news is that we are capable of "liberating" ourselves from fear, with the help of some good advice from Boteach. But "until you do so," Boteach warns, "you will forever be unhappy. You'll live an artificial existence, which is tragic and unnecessary."

The importance of liberating ourselves from fear multiplies when we have children, Boteach argues, because "first and foremost, a parent's responsibility is to demonstrate fearlessness, and that means you can't fake it.

Boteach speaks from experience; he and his wife Debbie have seven children, ranging in age from 3 to 15.

But, according to Boteach's principles of combating fear, the very act of be-coming a parent can help us overcome fear.

"When you have children, their wel-fare is more important than your own," Boteach explains. "When you're not focused exclusively on yourself, that's when you become less afraid."

"Face Your Fear" maps darker territory than such Boteach classics as "Kosher Sex" and "Why Can't I Fall in Love?" - he's written 14 books in all - but it is not dissimilar.

"The books that I've written have a specific goal," Boteach explains, "and that is to make people's lives better, to give them greater mastery over their lives. I try never to write what I consider to be shallow self-help books, which are usually what I consider predictable advice: 'Don't be afraid. Talk about it.'"

Instead, Boteach says, "I always try to look for the spiritual dimension behind all these great issues."

Boteach says he has already completed his next manuscript. The book will be called "Hating Women: The New Racism and the Scandal of Feminist Indifference."

Details

Who: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
What: Discussion of "Face Your Fear," "Kosher Sex," "Kosher Adultery"
When: 2 p.m. Sunday, Nov. 14
Where: Beth Emeth Congregation, 13702 W. Meeker Blvd., Sun City West
Cost: $15
Call: 623-584-7210

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Rabbi Shmuley explains away fear

DEBORAH SUSSMAN SUSSER Staff Writer

DEBORAH SUSSMAN SUSSER
Staff Writer