Eyesight important to introduction

DAVE SHERMAN

For the past two months, I've been explaining what I believe are the three most important aspects to a proper introduction. Let's wrap up this segment on proper introductions by looking at one of the best ways to start creating more connections. It is also one of the hardest things for people to do. I'm talking about making great eye contact with others when you introduce yourself.

If you meet many people in your daily life, it's a good idea to think about how you make eye contact - it is, after all, one of the first things people use to form an impression of you. If you spend some time observing people, you will soon recognize that there are many different eye contact styles:

Fixed Stare: Their eyes never leave you and practically bore through you. Occasionally, this style is used as a power trick to intimidate or to give the impression that the person is more confident than they really are.
Darting Glance: They do look at you but with very brief glances. They tend to look at you only when your gaze is averted. This style can give the impression of either low self-confidence or lack of trustworthiness.
No-Eye-Contact: Their eyes rarely, if ever, meet yours. They use peripheral vision to watch you.
Turn-And-Turn-About: This is the most common style. They look quite steadily at you while you are speaking. However, if you appear to find this uncomfortable, they will look away occasionally to avoid creating tension. When it is your turn to speak, you look at them steadily while they still meet your gaze but look away a little more.

To make more connections with others, here are a few ways to deal with the above mentioned styles:

If they use the "fixed-stare": While speaking to them, look at them for longer than you might otherwise. However, avoid getting into the "I will not look away until you do" competition. When you are doing the listening, give them quite sustained eye contact.
If they use "darting glances": Giving them sustained eye contact will be perceived as aggressive or even intimidating. Adopt a somewhat similar style by looking away more than might be normal for you, especially when you are doing the speaking.
If they use minimal eye contact: Make much less eye contact than you might normally. Also, try practicing using peripheral vision to watch them. Note that in some cultures, it is considered offensive to make direct eye contact.

As you can see, good eye contact is very important in making more connections with others. However, it takes a lot of practice to get comfortable with it. The next time you attend an event, think about how your eyes can tell so much about who you are. See you next month.

Thanks to Pegasus NLP for some of this information.

Dave Sherman is the owner of Connection Pros, a speaking, training and consulting organization that helps people create connections with potential business contact. His Web site is www.connectionpros.com. He can be reached at 480-860-6100 or e-mail at dave@connectionpros.com.

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