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October 15, 2004/Tishri 30 5765, Vol. 57, No. 7
Domestic abuse at workSTEPHANIE ANGELOThe flowers are beautiful, a bright combination of roses, pink lilies and purple irises. You admire them as they sit on your co-worker or employee's desk. You think to yourself, "How lucky, someone really cares. Flowers come all the time."You ask what the occasion is. Your co-worker is vague and mumbles something about a project deadline and walks away. You think about how your co-worker's spouse or significant other is rarely mentioned. You know they talk on the phone often. You can tell, since your desk is nearby. Now that you think about it, your co-worker is a little tense. You want to ask, "Is everything alright?" But you don't. After all, you don't want to pry. I made up the previous scenario, but according to Bob White, a retired 26-year veteran of the Phoenix Police Department, this is a very common sign of domestic abuse. It's important to note that not all victims are women and not all abusers are men; however, 85 percent of the victims are women. It's also key to remember that not all abuse is physical. Domestic abuse is any physical, emotional, sexual or other violence that takes place between people who are related, romantically involved or who have a significant relationship. Also, emotional abuse plays an enormous factor in the psychological crippling of its victims. Doreen Nicholas, training coordinator for the Arizona Coalition Against Domestic Violence, says it is still painfully clear that, as a society, we focus on "victim-blaming." We still assume that if the victim changes her behavior, the abuse will stop. There are a couple of things to keep in mind with this thought: what if the victim has tried to leave and was subjected to even worse consequences by the abuser? Or perhaps the victim did not have the support of her family, friends, clergy, employer, law enforcement or the judicial system? If the victim is employed, it is imperative that she feels secure that her job will not be jeopardized. But most importantly, the victim needs to feel that she is not risking her personal safety or the safety of her children. Without all that in place, the victim is far more likely to have to return home to the abuser. Published reports indicate that the annual cost of lost productivity due to domestic violence is estimated at $727.8 million, with over 7.9 million paid workdays lost each year; 44 percent of executives surveyed say that domestic violence increases health care costs; and in one case, a wrongful death lawsuit against an employer who failed to respond to an employee's risk of domestic violence on the job cost the employer $850,000. According to a Family Violence Prevention Fund study of domestic violence survivors, 74 percent of employed battered women were harassed by their partner while at work, and that, of course, doesn't account for what goes on at home. Yet employers and managers throughout the Valley whom I've spoken to assume that there is no domestic abuse among their employees because they never hear about it. Further pressed for information, it becomes evident that many employers do not have domestic abuse policies and procedures, which may provide time away from work for court appearances, a shift change to a safer time of day, or a transfer to another position where the abuser cannot find the victim. As employers, we must promote the message that abuse is not OK. As co-workers, we must speak up to executives and managers and affect a change in office protocol. We can be part of the solution to the problem, supporting the needs of co-workers and employees while supporting the needs of the organization at the same time. So if you're really wondering why your co-worker is receiving all those flowers, ask if everything's OK. You won't be prying. You'll be showing you care. Stephanie Angelo is the owner of Human Resource Essential, which specializes in domestic abuse awareness, training and consulting for businesses and organizations. Visit www.hressential.com. |
