A parent's foolish vows

BETH FRIEDMAN-ROMELL

Once upon a time, I swore I'd never...


• Cook separate meals for my kids. That was before I realized if I didn't, I'd never get to eat another mushroom or cook anything with garlic ever again.
  
  
• Reward my kids with sweets. If it weren't for lollipops, my sons would still be in diapers.
  
  
• Cut the crusts off sandwiches. Shockingly, it was my better half who started this practice, fed up with throwing away fully half a lunch every day. (It is possible he just wanted to eat the crusts himself.)
  
  
• Allow meals in the living room. I admit, my selfish desire to sit down and enjoy a calm dinner has temporarily trumped my insistence that we all eat together at the table. My toddler, a.k.a. "Shpilke Boy," has never been willing to sit still anywhere, for any amount of time.
  

I once thought I could avoid...


• Children sleeping in my bed. My own mom was very firm on this point, and I thought I agreed with her. Then I discovered that at 2, or 3, or 4 a.m., not only is it easier just to let a little guy curl up next to you instead of carrying all 30, 40, or 50 pounds of him down the hallway, it's cozier, too. Of course, since I have horizontally inclined "sprawlers" rather than "nestlers," the usual reward is a foot in one's face by morning.
  
  
• Sleep deprivation. My first child, whom we'll call "Night Owl," was a poster child for having more kids. He slept through the night at 10 weeks, took three-hour power naps 'til age 4, and always went to bed at 10 p.m. and woke up at 8 the next morning. Along came Shpilke-Boy, and BAM! as they say. He was Mr. No-Nap for the first year of his life, the nights of which he didn't sleep through, either. Nowadays, he's too smart to believe me when I tell him 6 a.m. is the middle of the night.
  

Twenty-something me was sure that today's parents are wishy-washy pushovers, deluded by pop-psychobabble into spoiling kids rotten. I knew I'd never...


• Say the words "time out." I always hated sports metaphors, and thought this concept a silly one. In fact, "time out" only worked for #1, a defiant little fellow, when he was exiled to the bathtub (fully clothed, no water). #2, however, hates being sent to "the chair." Hopefully, this speaks well for future avoidance of capital offenses.
  

Silly young me could not understand why parents would...


• Buy videos for children and allow them to watch them over and over again. Do I even have to explain this one?
  
  
• Allow kids to play computer games. Hey, it beats TV. Especially the educational ones.