Judaism important to 'lost generation'

SARAH DELANEY
Editorial Intern

It's sort of a lost generation."

Barbara Allyn's words ring true for many older singles. Adviser to JASS (Jewish Association of Singles Services) for several years, Allyn sees the problems for this little-mentioned section of the community. "There is an incredible need for activities and community outreach for these singles," she says.

Being single has become an important stage in life. It is documented widely in the media, but even with the increased focus on the single community, there is still a forgotten part of the group: older singles, or "mature singles," as some prefer to be called.

The group has a wide age span, reaching people as young as 45 to those in their late 80s. Despite the fact that many have gone through the process of finding a significant other before, it still is a challenge.

"I think when you're past 45, if you're not in a relationship or married, it's hard. Unless you're like Demi Moore or Cher and date people much younger than you," laughs Karen Freed, leader of Jewish Baby Boomers, a singles group for adults ages 45-57.

One of the problems for older singles is where to find others like themselves.

"I don't think (older singles) know where to go to meet other people. I think the social aspect in those terms is a big issue," says Reba Lowe, one of the leaders of Prime Time Singles Group, a Jewish group for singles 45 and older.

Thankfully, there are a growing number of older Jewish singles groups to serve this part of the population. For many, this focus on Judaism is important.

For Carole Kaufman, the new president of JASS, finding a Jewish partner is "actually more important to me now than it was in my 20s. ... I've dated non-Jewish men, but there's the same thing lacking as when I dated non-Jewish men in my 20s. There's just something that's not there."

"We want to be able to have the holidays with our families and have a sense of our own religion," says Linda Bertrand, a leader of Prime Time and secretary of JASS.

Some groups try to incorporate Jewish-related activities to help keep people within the faith.

Davi Weinberg, founder of the Hadassah Singles Circle, a singles group open to all women 40 and older, comments that her group mixes fun with work. "While we're involved in our friendship and all these social activities and learning activities, we're supporting Israel and Hadassah."

JCC Singles hosts a break-the-fast get-together and other holiday-related events. "For Passover, if people don't have a place to go - if they host or need a seder - we do Project Elijah," says Tricia Serlin, director of adult services at the Valley of the Sun Jewish Community Center.

"During the holidays you want to be around other people, you want to celebrate the holidays and experience them," she adds.

Unfortunately, some find that there are few community resources beyond their own singles groups.

"Faith is more important to the older singles. ... We get a lot of Jewish singles that are coming back or discovering their roots and they very much want to be more involved in the community and learn more about Judaism," explains Allyn. "(But) they don't have the encouragement (to continue their faith) from the synagogues in Phoenix."

Kaufman adds, "There are so many scattered singles, seniors and younger, that are basically going by the wayside. There really needs to be a community."

For many older singles, being alone is a major factor. "I guess the problem is loneliness," explains Freed. People's kids are already gone, they have no family here. They want to be with others."

"They find themselves all of a sudden on their own, and they must have something to keep them occupied, to do," says Harold Epstein, the leader of Happenings, a Jewish singles group in Scottsdale for people ages 60 and older. "They must have some place to socialize, to meet, make friends."

Weinberg has good advice for those who feel alone: "You have to go out there and make the first step, and the first step is to go out and get involved and meet people."

Bertrand adds, "You'll have a better experience, a better dating experience, a better religious experience, a better social experience if you get involved."

Singles resources

Hadassah Singles Circle: Women ages 40-plus. Hadassah membership not required. Lisa Blumstein, national membership specialist; 480-998-1880 or hadassahsw@3aol.com.

Happenings: Singles ages 60-plus. Howard Epstein, 602-433-1844.

Jewish Baby Boomers: Singles ages 45-57. Karen Freed, 623-934-7587.

JASS: All singles. Carole Kaufman, 480-235-9013 or info@phoenixjewishsingles.org.

JCC Singles: All singles. Tricia Serlin, 480-483-7121, ext. 1206.

Prime Time Jewish Singles: Singles 45-plus. Linda Bertrand, 480-777-9361; Ofelia Mandel; or Reba Lowe, 480-632-8973.

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