Establishing a connection

Once on their own, young adults search for their own Jewish identity

LEISAH NAMM
Managing Editor

Chabad at ASU provides an opportunity for college students to explore Judaism. Pictured, Chana Tiechtel, left, and junior Illanna Weiner prepare to put a challah in the oven during a challah-baking class. Photo courtesy of Rabbi Shmuel Tiechtel

Get connected

Shabbat meals, daily davening and a yeshiva education were a regular part of his childhood in an Orthodox family, but as a teen, Avi Cohen decided he'd had enough.

When he was 16, he informed his parents that he didn't like his yeshiva and presented them with a list of alternate choices. They weren't happy with these choices, so he moved out and enrolled himself in public school.

"I just wanted to be free," he says. "I just wanted to experience life in the world and not have to worry about all the details of Judaism."

While parents can try to instill a Jewish identity upon their children by providing a Jewish education or sending them to camp or on a trip to Israel, there's no guarantee that their children will remain on that path.

However, these childhood experiences can provide a strong foundation for a person's Jewish identity.

"I think the Orthodox upbringing really got me to know what Judaism is, as far as where we come from," Cohen, 28, says. "Without living it, I really don't think you can get that experience."

Although Cohen's current Jewish observance is nowhere close to what it was in the St. Paul, Minn., Chabad community where he grew up, he still refuses to work on Shabbat and avoids shellfish and pork. "I guess somehow it is harder for me to disregard things that are said directly and obviously in the Torah," he says.

When he moved to Phoenix in 2002, he had no interest in becoming familiar with the local Jewish community. "When I came here to Arizona, I was kind of happy that I wasn't going to be involved in anything," he says. But then he met Rabbi Mendy Deitsch of Chabad of the East Valley and started attending synagogue services and sharing Shabbat meals with synagogue members. He says he prefers dating Jewish women and when he has children, he wants to raise them in a religious home, although not to the degree in which he was raised.

For now, he's comfortable with his level of observance. "I could see myself becoming more religious at some point ... or even less religious," he says. "I guess it's more of the 'let's take it by day by day and let's see what happens' kind of thing."

Off to college

For many teens, leaving home for college is a time of exploration and experimentation with different forms of religious practice and observance, says Rabbi Barton Lee of the Hillel Jewish Student Center at Arizona State University. "It's part of a larger question of developing independence and separating from parents," he says.

Lee, who has worked at the campus since 1972, says the most common topics students ask him about are Jewish rituals, Israeli history and politics, ethics, interfaith dating and how to respond to fundamental Christians.

Through the years, Jewish college students of all levels of observance have entered Hillel's doors and Hillel programming thrives on a pluralistic approach to Judaism.

"Whether it's Chabad or Humanistic Judaism, there's no synagogue or Jewish institution that I visit in the Phoenix area that I don't see former Hillel students who have made their way into congregational life or Jewish agency life," Lee says.

Former students have become Reform, Conservative, Orthodox and Reconstructionist rabbis, he adds.

"A major element of the 'college experience' is the opportunity that a student gets to spread his or her wings - to exercise their own independence, make their own choices, even do their own laundry," says Rabbi Shmuel Tiechtel of the Chabad Jewish Student Center at ASU. "As a result, the college years are extremely formative. They are the years when students get the chance, often for the first time, to make his or her own decisions about what is important, to analyze moral decisions from their own perspectives, and to integrate many of the concepts about which they are studying (into) their own lives."

Tiechtel says the goal of Chabad at ASU is to help students rediscover Judaism at a level they are comfortable with, in a warm and non-judgmental manner. "We encourage them to ask questions and to talk about many ideas which are important to (them)," he says. "We help them explore the beauty and depth of Judaism - without judgment, yet without compromise - so that they could emerge not only as better Jews but as better human beings."

Finding a connection

While college students have resources such as Hillel and Chabad to turn to, where do single young adults go after graduation?

Without parental influence or Jewish peers, many place Judaism on a backburner to focus on their careers and aren't sure how to reconnect with a Jewish community when they are ready to do so.

"When you don't have a good connection with the Jewish community and there's not really a strong or dominant Jewish community, it just makes things a little tougher," says Ben Cohen, 24, one of Avi Cohen's 11 siblings. He moved to Phoenix about eight months ago and has had a difficult time meeting other Jews his age.

"I hear that there are a lot of young Jewish people around here that just struggle trying to find other Jewish people to become friends with," he says. "I think it's definitely up to the individual (to seek out the community), but it certainly does help when the community has something to offer. The more it has to offer, the merrier."

Ben Cohen followed a similar path as his brother, leaving yeshiva and his parents' home at age 16. "It wouldn't really be that hard to be more religious," he says. "I would like to when I have a family, but right now it's not my priority."

Meeting the need?

Does Phoenix's organized Jewish community meet the needs of its young adults?

"It's a very hard question because you then have to operationally define what the needs are," says Jeffrey Frankel, young adult director at Beth El Congregation in Phoenix. "The problem is, for each and every person, they're very different.

"When I came into my young adulthood, I had a very structured sense of who I was and what my identity was," he says. "Many people have similar situations to what I have and there are also many who just go out there trying to figure out what Judaism means to them at this point in their life."

Beth El Young Adults programming, which is open to nonmembers, tries to balance social, recreational and cultural programming to attract participants, Frankel says.

Frankel is also the executive director of Raw Kaballah, which sponsors a musical Shabbat service and other programs geared toward young adults that is about to begin its fourth year. Its first three years offered a monthly Friday night service and oneg, and occasional Shabbat dinners, but limited funds may change that.

The community-based program, which is not a Beth El program even though services are held there, received a $15,000 grant its first year, two $15,000 grants the second year, but only collected $1,300 last year when it had to rely on its own fund raising. "Now we're trying to figure out (how to keep) the program alive," Frankel says. "There will be a Raw Kaballah. It's just a matter of what format it will take on," depending on the community's generosity. In the past, the service attracted 100-250 young adults each month, Frankel says.

Another organization geared to this age group is the Young Leadership Division (YLD) of the Jewish Federation of Greater Phoenix.

"We're there to do outreach and (to) engage the young adult population in the community as a whole," says Hal Ossman, who started as YLD director last month.

YLD provides a number of different gateways into the community, he says. These include educational, leadership and community service opportunities. Social events include happy hours at local bars and newcomer wine and cheese events in people's homes.

"We're also instilling the values of tikkun olam and tzedakah in the community by raising money and talking about the importance of the federation," he adds.

"We're growing future Jewish leaders for the Jewish community in Phoenix."

Aish Hatorah Scottsdale, affiliated with the international outreach organization Aish Hatorah based in Jerusalem, addresses educational needs of young adults. The organization hosts a weekly program called Aish Cafe, a Thursday night discussion group that focuses on a different topic each week, ranging from relationships and holiday observances to Israeli history and society. Other programs include guest lecturers, Shabbatons and High Holiday services.

Although Aish Hatorah occasionally hosts social activities, its primary goal is to provide opportunities for young adults to learn Torah.

"The best way to create Jewish identity is through Jewish education," says Rabbi Ariel Shoshan, director of Aish Hatorah Scottsdale.

Shoshan acknowledges the challenge young adults face when wanting to get involved in the community.

"The outstanding community organizations in town continue to be the synagogues since they create smaller communities of their own among the congregants," he says. "Most young adults are not shul members. With that in mind, I'm impressed with the efforts made by a number of educational and philanthropic arms of the community, such as Chabad, YLD and AIPAC, in their efforts to reach out to the younger generation."

Future plans

When an individual is ready to become involved, the local Jewish community offers young adults several choices.

Singles can meet at a monthly coffeehouse hosted by the Valley of the Sun Jewish Community Center or participate in other JCC Singles programming. Serious, engaged and newly married couples can learn communication skills and strengthen their relationship through the Bureau of Jewish Education's Jewish Marriage University.

Singles and couples alike can learn Torah with Aish Hatorah Scottsdale, celebrate Shabbat at a Raw Kaballah service and gain leadership skills with YLD. Israel advocates can become involved with AIPAC or Jewish National Fund.

A person makes many important decisions during their 20s and 30s and it is "an integral part of a person's life," says Tiechtel. "It is the time when they are making their decisions for life - career, relationships, marriage, etc. It is important and essential for every Jewish person to stop, think and reflect about where they are holding in their life and in what direction they want to take it."

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