Single fathers need nurturing, too

ROBERT BERNSTEIN

Since the mid-1960s, the single-parent family has been studied, restudied and documented extensively. We know that the cycle of marriage, children, divorce and male abandonment often leads to disaster for children and their mothers.

There has been little apparent interest in single fathers, the "other" parents, who could and should be a key factor in dramatically improving the quality of life for their former spouses, their children and themselves.

Improving the attitudes of divorced fathers and their perceptions of parenting would help break the negative cycle of abandonment that ultimately victimizes the men and their children.

Research shows that while women often seek help and support from other women and support groups, men tend to become isolated and try to cope alone with the anxiety, fear and hostility of divorce. I believe that there are many divorced men who would not have abandoned their children and their financial responsibilities had they perceived their world and their options differently.

If we can manage to keep them in the picture with satisfactory child visitation schedules, and if they feel important and needed in their children's lives, divorced fathers would be more apt to pay child support and alimony, instead of moving away. This would surely improve the overall quality of life of many of today's single-parent families.

Divorced fathers can be helped to realize that there are more constructive options than fight-or-flight behavior. Community support systems would encourage them to pursue involvement with their children during and after divorce. This can be achieved when fathers get help to separate negative feelings toward their former spouses from what should be caring, positive and nurturing feelings toward their children.

Creative ideas can lead to tangible programs that support and encourage divorced dads.

Robert Bernstein is the co-author of "Divorced Dads Handbook" and an adjunct faculty member at Mesa Community College.

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