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May 7, 2004/Iyar 16 5764, Vol. 56, No. 33
Be a better parent by being a better person
BETH OLSON
Staff Writer
I'm a parenting workshop junkie.
I know it may seem like an odd hobby to most people, but I really enjoy attending parenting classes and work-shops. It's not really a new thing - I've always had an interest in child development. When I was in college, majoring in education, I always found the human development classes the most interesting. In fact, there were times I wanted to major in psychology simply because those were the classes that interested me the most, but I could never figure out what kind of career I would pursue with a degree in psychology (I guess at that point I didn't realize that your college major and eventual career path aren't necessarily related).
Since my first child was born, I've been attending classes on a regular basis. Usually I find them through the local school districts, where you can get the per-spective of national experts for less than the cost of a paperback book.
It's not just the information that I enjoy, though. There's a certain camaraderie you feel being with a large group of parents who also value working toward becoming a better parent.
It's the most challenging - and rewarding - job we all have, yet without the requirement of obtaining continuing education credits, many parents just muddle their way through without guidance.
The most recent course I took through Mesa Public Schools' Parent University was titled "Ten Steps to Positive Discipline." While the class in itself wasn't strikingly different from other classes I've taken, what I got out of it was. Our leader really stressed the concept that our children learn from our actions. Of course, we've all heard this before, but for some reason it struck me in a different way this time.
I've decided that my focus as a parent needs to move away from "how can I get my kids to behave" and move toward "how can I behave in a way that will set a good example for my children." So I've selected one thing to work on at a time, in the hopes of continually improving as a role model for my kids.
Currently I'm working on something we spent a lot of time discussing in our class - attributing positive intent. The theory is that people's intentions are generally positive, yet somehow we frequently attribute negative intent to others.
The perfect example happens daily while we drive the streets of the Valley. Most of us feel angry and frustrated at the other driver when we get cut off in traffic. Some people even shout expletives and make hand gestures. Yet how many times have you cut someone off in traffic? Do you ever cut them off on purpose? Or is it much more likely that at the last minute you realize you're not in the right lane to exit the freeway or you're trying to avoid a car entering your lane? But do you ever think, "I'm going to pull right in front of that guy just to irritate him"? Of course not, yet somehow, when someone pulls in front of us, we always assume the worst on his part.
If it is our goal to not only be the best parents we can, but also to instill Jewish values, then we can all train ourselves to see the best intentions in others, thus teaching our children chesed (kindness) kavod (respect) and rachmanus (compassion).
Contact the writer at beth_olson@jewishaz.com.
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