Lighter side of Israel

CARL ALPERT

• Udderly high: Israel's milk production per cow is the highest in the world. Each cow produces an annual average of 10,500 liters, compared to 9,500 in the United States and 7,500 in the European Union. Israel's best milker is a cow on a Galilee kibbutz that produced 18,965 liters of milk in 2003. Any bulls interested?
  
  
• Circumstantial evidence: There has been considerable criticism of the anti-Israel reports that the BBC airs from its Israel correspondent, Orla Guerin. A Jaffa correspondent of The Jerusalem Post points out that "Orla" in Hebrew is an unattractive, useless bit of skin that should be removed from a sensitive area.
  
  
• Israelis with wanderlust: Where do Israeli tourists head? Last year's totals reveal that the United States was the number one destination. In second place was Turkey, followed in order by Britain, Germany, France and Italy. Last on the list of 10 were Russia and Holland.
  
  
• Keeping Arab streets clean: In the Arab town of Umm al-Fahm, Palestinians are ashamed to be seen cleaning their streets, though they accept such employment in Jewish cities. The contractor employed by the town council has brought in a crew of mainly Russian Jewish immigrants from nearby Nazareth Ilit who perform their tasks diligently.
  
  
• Thief with a conscience: He broke down the door of an apartment in a wealthy neighborhood, but when he found the place in miserable condition he left a note reading, "Your flat is certainly in a rundown state. I am sorry I damaged your door and am leaving you 400 shekels to repair it." What he did not know was that the wealthy owners were building a new villa and had neglected the old place for some time.
  
  
• Settled in court: Eyal Cohen served as government prosecutor in a case against a man accused of theft. He suggested that proceedings be waived and the two sides reach an agreement. Attorney for the defense refused and insisted that witnesses be called. First prosecution witness was the policewoman who had investigated the case. Cohen followed her testimony intently and later invited her out to lunch. They were wed recently. Cohen expressed his gratitude to the defense lawyer who had insisted that witnesses be called.
  
  
• A guide to the perplexed: Two Israelis lined up at Amsterdam Airport for a flight to the United States. A search of their belongings uncovered the Hebrew text of the traditional prayer uttered before a trip, headed by a picture of the Rambam. The investigators were certain this was a picture of a master Muslim terrorist, and the two travelers were at once handcuffed and held for thorough investigation. It was not until the following day that they were released and permitted to continue their trip.