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February 6, 2004/Shevat 14 5764, Vol. 56, No. 20
Warmth endears couple to many
VICKI CABOT
Contributing Editor
Rabbi Elon Sunshine remembers walking home from Shabbat morning services with Rabbi Herbert Silberman - clothed in plastic garbage bags.
It was pouring, and it was the rabbi who snuck into the synagogue's kitchen to fashion the makeshift ponchos for the group.
It was typical of Silberman, says Sunshine, then a young boy, who still marvels at Silberman's ability to teach by example.
"We all walked home together, a reminder that no matter where we are, what we do, there is a Jewish answer."
Positing Jewish answers - and helping others discover them themselves - defines Silberman's rabbinate. For more than 40 years, nearly 25 of them in the Valley, Silberman has dedicated himself, along with his devoted helpmeet, Temma, to make Judaism real, meaningful and relevant to legions of Valley residents whose lives they have touched. The Silbermans will be honored by Har Zion Congregation for their contributions to the community at the congregation's annual gala on Feb. 29. Gala chairwoman is Sharon Bochner.
"We are very lucky that Rabbi and Temma decided to return to the Phoenix metropolitan area and relocated near Har Zion," says Har Zion's Rabbi Mark Bisman. "It has allowed us to benefit from their many years experience and warm and loving personalities."
Silberman served as spiritual leader of Beth El Congregation from 1977 to 1995. After three years with Beth Israel in Salisbury, Md., his fourth pulpit, he and Temma retired to the Valley.
At Har Zion he assists Bisman as needed, leads overflow High Holiday services and is the spiritual adviser of the Har Zion Men's Club. Both he and Temma, a longtime Jewish educator, teach children and adults at the Scottsdale Congregation.
Silberman also has been on the faculty of the Melton Mini-School, an intensive two-year adult education program sponsored by the Jewish Federation's Bureau of Jewish Education, for five years.
Born in Brooklyn, Silberman received smicha, ordination, at the Orthodox Rabbi Jacob Joseph Yeshiva in Manhattan. He also earned a degree in accounting at City College of New York. His first pulpit was at B'nai Israel in High Point, N.C.
There he met and married Temma; their three children, Ron, Steve and Debbie were born there, but after 10 years, they realized that they needed to go.
"Our friends wanted us to stay forever," says Temma Silberman, "but we realized that our kids would not have the Jewish education we wanted for them if we didn't go." High Point did not have a Jewish day school.
Silberman accepted a pulpit in Newington, Conn., just outside of Hartford, and the Silberman family moved north, enrolling the children at the then Yeshiva of Hartford. They served B'nai Shalom for 11 years until, as Silberman tells it, "One morning I was scraping the ice off my windshield and realized, 'I want to go where the palm trees are.' "
There was an opening at Beth El, and he applied. Sherman Minkoff, who chaired the search process, recalls calling Silberman at 2 a.m. one morning to tell him that he had the job.
Minkoff says the committee, which had fielded more than 40 candidates, was impressed with the rabbi's warmth and his ability to relate to people.
"The rabbi is a very gentle, kind man and communicated that in his work," says Minkoff. "And he has remained so."
Silberman, when asked what drew him to the rabbinate, responds that it is the opportunity to help people.
"It's touching people, listening, counseling, supporting," he says. "You can spend hours on a sermon," he says, "but 10 minutes talking with someone can really make a difference."
Ray Perlman, a longtime Beth El congregant, describes Silberman as "a wonderful human being."
Perlman says that the rabbi has guided him through some difficult times, as a rabbi, a friend and a confidante.
"He has a depth of understanding and (is a source of) good personal advice," says Perlman.
Counseling has been a defining characteristic of his rabbinate, but Silberman is honest about its toll.
"The most difficult part is the sadness, the emotional concerns, the upsets," he says of the challenges of being a rabbi. "You can't make it any better, can't change what happened, even if you wished you could."
Silberman says that he is fortunate to have his own personal support system in his wife of 43 years. The couple have shared responsibilities and concerns throughout their marriage.
"She listens, she is the whole reason for everything I have accomplished," he confides.
Also sustaining Silberman has been his unadulterated joy in Jewish life, and the pleasure he and Temma receive seeing it animated by those they've touched.
Sunshine recently co-officiated with Silberman at the wedding of yet another former Beth El student, Karen Smelkinson.
"It was an honor," Sunshine says, noting the "kvell factor" afforded both his parents and the rabbi and Temma.
Silberman continues to participate in many life cycle events, delighting in helping to sustain Jewish life for the next generation. Weddings, baby namings, b'nai mitzvah, each remains special and important.
"I want people to treasure being Jewish," he says. "I want them to do something that shows a sense of Jewish commitment, whether it is getting involved in federation, observing kashrut or going to shul. Whatever a person does is a blessing."
Silberman takes his non-judgmental attitude into the classroom at Melton, where he teaches students who come from a wide range of backgrounds.
Elaine Hirsch, who recruited the rabbi for the Melton faculty, credits him with creating a warm, engaging atmosphere for learning.
Barbara Chassin, one of his Melton students, says Silberman's appeal comes from his genuineness.
"He is a rabbi who really lives it. Every minute he is living his beliefs."
He also has the ability to apply traditional Jewish ideas to contemporary conundrums.
Silberman says his teaching style has matured through the years.
"When I got smicha, I thought I would put on a black suit and white shirt and tie and would teach everything," he says. "What I found out is that it was the students who taught me. It is very humbling and broadening at the same time," he reflects.
Temma Silberman, a beloved teacher of many hundreds of students, shares her husband's passion for teaching paired with an uncanny ability to make learning fun.
Silberman says his most gratifying experiences reach out beyond his pulpit to the larger community.
He notes with pride that the first Holocaust memorial in the state was built at Beth El; that Beth El was the first local congregation to appeal for Israel bonds from the bimah; and the first to spearhead a drive for the local food banks. Too, the congregation long engaged in its own Jewish National Fund campaign to plant trees in Israel, and Silberman served as the first JNF regional president. He also notes that he helped establish the Jewish chaplaincy program and served on the board of Jewish Family & Children's Service for many years.
Joining the Silbermans at the Har Zion event, which is open to the entire community, will be their three children and their spouses, who, along with their 12 grandchildren remain central in their life.
A treasured keepsake in their home is a patchwork throw pillow, each square with the handprint and name of a family member. The center square contains the names of the four cities where the Silbermans have served congregations. Daughter-in-law Manette, whose husband Steve followed his dad into the rabbinate, conceived the project, and oversaw the handiwork, at a 40th anniversary celebration the family enjoyed in Williamsburg, Va., three years ago.
It reflects everything important to the couple, and especially their hands-on approach to the rabbinate.
Details
- What: Har Zion Congregration 2004 Gala
- When: 5:30 p.m., cocktails and silent auction followed by dinner and dancing, Sunday, Feb. 29
- Location: Chaparral Suites Resort, 5001 N. Scottsdale Road, Scottsdale
- Cost: $125-$500
- Reservations: 602-971-1582.
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