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January 2, 2004/Tevet 8 5764, Vol. 56, No. 15
A look at life as a rabbi's child
MELISSA HIRSCHL
Special to Jewish News
Wendy Bernstein, Rabbi B. Charles Herring
Photo courtesy of Wendy Bernstein
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Everyone has a story; that's part of the miracle of being alive. Some stories fascinate us, others humor us, and some provoke us. With that in mind, Jewish News has interviewed several sons and daughters of local rabbis in our community. We hope you find their stories memorable, interesting and uplifting. We also hope they give you a greater depth of appreciation for the unique circumstances of being a rabbi's child.
JESSIE, 17 and SARAH RUBENSTEIN, 14
Daughters of Rabbi Bonnie Koppell
Temple Beth Sholom, Chandler
Jessie: When I was about 4 years old, I used to point to the Temple Beth Sholom sign outside our Mesa synagogue and tell people it said "Jessie's Shul." My mom loves to tell that story to this day. She also loves to tell the story about how the other children used to call her Temple office "Jessie's room."
I always knew that my mom was different from other moms and had a special job, but I didn't really comprehend her profession until I was around 7. She had this book called "Ima on the Bema," and that really helped me understand what she did and why she was so unique. I feel very proud to have my mother as a rabbi. I always felt like I had a place in the synagogue; I also felt I had a whole lot of support from the congregation because my mother was the rabbi. Members were, and still are, always available to help out at any time we need them.
In terms of teaching values, my mother always taught me to have a moral background. Sometimes I feel she has a direct phone line to God and He'll know anything negative I do. If I did do something I shouldn't have, I wouldn't have just regular guilt; I'd have the "Thanksgiving" of guilt.
I also feel I learned more about discipline, since she is a rabbi in the Army. My mother taught me most of what I know about Judaism. I would say I know a lot compared to the average kid my age; it always helped that she sent me to Jewish day schools until ninth grade, when I started public school.
Sarah: I don't think I really realized my mom was a rabbi early on. I did know I couldn't go to parties because I needed to be at synagogue. Also, when I went to services, everyone knew me. They still all know me; some even still send me birthday cards. Like my sister, I feel a strong sense of community. Another perk of being the rabbi's daughter was that I could get away with things other kids couldn't like running around during services and constantly going up to the bema. I couldn't get in trouble because she was "my mommy." The downside of my status is I was always expected to be perfect and everyone always had very high expectations of me. There are times I wish I could be more anonymous.
As I got older, some of my Jewish friends would say my mom wasn't a rabbi, because she was my mom and not my dad. They said "you can have a dad who's a rabbi, but not a mom; she can only be the rabbi's wife." I proudly told them that my dad was "the rabbi's husband." As for my non-Jewish friends, they think it's really cool that my mom is a rabbi; especially a rabbi in the Army, since it's such a rarity. It's fun to surprise people when they ask me what my mom does - it's a real conversation starter.
JOHNATHAN ABRAMI, 27
Son of Rabbi Leo Abrami
Beth Emeth Congregation, Sun City West
I attribute my love of learning and experiencing new things to my father, who in addition to being a rabbi, is a world traveler, teacher (an expert in "logo-therapy," a branch of psychoanalysis), and lecturer. I also attribute my desire to help the Jewish community in any way I can to him. He's always encouraged my siblings to give of ourselves and to learn about everything; finance, business, you name it. He's also wanted us to be involved with whatever he's doing, whether it's traveling around the world or just soaking up information.
I've always been proud of him and the fact that he has significance in the community. People have always been very appreciative of him, wherever he goes; everyone gets excited when they haven't seen him for a while. He makes a strong impact wherever he goes, partly because he is so knowledgeable.
I've had lots of opportunities to observe Jewish cultures around the world and see many synagogues because of my dad. People always want to meet the rabbi's family, whether it's in Tucson or Europe. My father spent a great deal of time in France before traveling to other countries such as Israel, South Africa, Mexico, the Caribbean, before coming back to the United States where he resided in California, Rhode Island, Tucson, and eventually Sun City West. It's interesting and comforting to see that there are a lot of similarities in Jewish traditions all over.
I try to do more with my life because of my dad and do more volunteer work with the community.
YOSSI SILVER, 13
Son of Rabbi Chaim Silver
Young Israel of Phoenix
Having a rabbi for a father has always made me feel very special and very proud. When I was younger, I thought he was smarter than anyone in the whole world, although now I know that's not necessarily true. The main part of our family has always been the Torah; it's contributed to our rich family life. My siblings (three brothers and two sisters) and I all feel that the Jewish holidays have always been extra meaningful because of my dad; he's always given an in-depth perspective about what we were celebrating.
My father has always been there to guide me when I'd have questions or problems. There were times for example, that I was teased about my wide knowledge of the religion by other classmates. My father would just tell me that they were jealous and that I should not feel bad about their hurtful remarks. He just kept prompting me to be thankful that I'm Jewish.
WENDY BERNSTEIN, 35
Daughter of Rabbi B. Charles Herring
Temple Kol Ami, Scottsdale
For the most part, I have always been very proud of my father; especially the times I've seen him at the pulpit or at Temple Beth Israel's Day school (when I was younger). Like other children of rabbis, I've always been expected to know everything about Judaism; it's kind of like being a doctor's daughter, or anyone else who is high in their field. One time I made a surprise visit to a Scottsdale mall when I was living in Tucson. I put on sunglasses so no one would recognize me. In fact, when my father goes on trips, like cruises, he tells people he's a "used car salesman" so he doesn't have to answer all their questions. On the positive side, though, I feel I've learned a lot of respect for adults from meeting so many of them and trying to remember all their names. I've also learned to be gracious and kind to people, since I've always been in the spotlight. Being warm to others comes easily to me now.
I've had lots of great experiences and feel very lucky to have had a normal and balanced childhood.
RABBI ELANA KANTER
Rabbi of The New Shul
about her father, Rabbi Shamai Kanter
During my schooling, it was more unusual not to be the child of a rabbi. I went to Solomon Schechter religious school in Massachusetts where there were nine children in the class. Five of them were also children of rabbis. Later on when I went to Barnard College in New York City, my roommate was also the daughter of a rabbi, so we had a lot in common. My brother in New Bedford, Mass., is a rabbi too, so we have four rabbis in our immediate family.
I was very proud of my father as a leader in the community. My brothers, sisters and I felt like royalty around the synagogue. We felt we had a special place there - since my dad was there so often, we felt like it was a second home. We just knew we belonged there. One of my favorite memories was sitting on the bema with my dad on Simchat Torah; it was a lot of fun. I feel each of my parents contributed to my religious development; learning about Judaism, sermons and God.
Melissa Hirschl is a local free-lance writer.
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