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November 7, 2003/Cheshvan 12 5764, Vol. 56, No. 7
Are our kids really overscheduled?
BETH OLSON
Staff Writer
Overscheduled. It seems like every time you open a parenting magazine these days, there's an article about overscheduled kids.
What you don't see much written about is busy families who are making things work - families with happy children who are active and involved in the community.
Of course, we all do know families who are overscheduled.
My daughters both dance three days a week and participate on dance teams that keep them busy with performances, parades and competitions. I know other dance team parents whose daughters also do gymnastics two to three days a week and take swimming, ice skating and music lessons. Now that's overscheduled.
Both my mother and my husband's mother frequently voice complaints that we're too busy, but I think they've just forgotten what it's like to have children at home.
My mother-in-law raised five children. My husband played in a traveling soccer league and says his mom never missed a game. She coached his sister's soccer team, and my husband recalls that the children were also involved in baseball, scouting and band. And during all this, she held a job. I can't imagine how busy that family must have been.
My mom also worked and we lived in a rural community where we had to drive nearly an hour each way for religious school and to attend services. In fact, I remember one year when my mom, who was a teacher, would send a cab to pick up me and my brother at school and bring us to her school so she could get us to Hebrew school on time on Wednesdays. But somehow my mom has forgotten those days of a fast-food meals and homework done in the car.
And while we are busy and our active schedules require much planning (especially for transportation), our children have plenty of time for fun.
My 5-year-old daughter has three weeknights each week without any activities, and my 12-year-old daughter has two weeknights free. And while our weekend afternoons are frequently busy with family, errands and social activities, there are also those weekends when we hang around the house.
I also believe that being busy isn't necessarily bad. Active children learn to prioritize. If my daughter wants to play on the volleyball team, and practice is at the same time as dance, she has to make a decision about which thing is more important to her.
They also learn a lot about responsibility.
My daughters made a year-long commitment to the dance team. A year is a long time in the life of a child, but I am so proud that they understand the importance of living up to their obligations to the rest of the members of the team and their coach.
And while moms learn to be super-efficient out of necessity, active kids have a head start.
My older daughter knows that if she has several hours of dance after school one day a week, she needs to get up in the morning in time to start her laundry and practice her guitar before school. Busy? Yes, but at least she's productive.
The world has changed. Children who aren't involved in activities aren't out climbing trees or collecting bugs or hanging out with the neighborhood kids playing Kick the Can - they're in their bedrooms watching television or consumed with the computer and video games.
While we all want to look for warning signs that our children are overworked, I truly believe that if our children are happy, content with the level of activity in their lives and maintaining their school performance, then we as parents are doing them a favor by encouraging them to be involved in fun and meaningful activities.
Contact the writer at beth_olson@jewishaz.com.
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