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October 17, 2003/Tishri 21 5764, Vol. 56, No. 4
Listen up, be happy
VICKI CABOT
Contributing Editor
Dennis Prager
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Wanna be happy?
Just look in the mirror.
That's the message from happiness guru Dennis Prager.
Happiness may be a serious problem, as he posits in his newest book.
But the real problem is us.
Prager, the voluble radio talk show host, author and lecturer, has taken on topics as diverse as anti-Semitism, Middle East politics and religion. His no-nonsense approach, straight talk and how-to guides have attracted legions of loyal listeners and thousands of faithful readers. Prager headlines the second Valley of the Sun Jewish Community Center Book Fair, Thursday, Oct. 30 through Sunday, Nov. 16, at the Ina Levine Jewish Community Campus.
A recent telephone interview captured Prager's uncanny knack for stating the obvious and parsing it in simple terms.
"The greatest obstacle to happiness is us," states Prager unequivocally.
In his book, "Happiness is a Serious Problem, A Human Nature Repair Manual," (Regan Books, $13 paperback) Prager posits that being happy is a moral obligation - to ourselves and others. "We owe it to others to work on our unhappiness," he writes. Our happiness quotient impacts our relationships. Happy people are not only more pleasant company, but more pleasing human beings.
"People act more decently when they are happy," he writes.
In the book, Prager lays out the major premises for happiness, then discusses obstacles for happiness and lastly suggests attitudes and behaviors that can promote happiness.
Happiness has always been a problem, Prager says. "It's eternal."
Is it more elusive today? Prager says he doesn't know. But there is certainly more talk about it, as easily evidenced in Prager's weekday radio show, 9 a.m.-noon on AM 960 KKNT.
"Maybe today people admit it (being unhappy) more."
Prager's interest in the topic was piqued after going through a difficult divorce, a subsequent remarriage and years of therapy.
Professional help is beneficial, he believes, but ultimately, happiness depends on us.
"People take less responsibility for happiness," he says. He decries our culture of "victimhood" where people blame their discontent on their parents, their spouses, their work - anything but themselves.
"We live in a therapeutic rather than a responsibility-based culture," he says. "Therapy does not like to blame, it likes to listen."
Unrealistic expectations also inhibit happiness, says Prager. "People expect too much," he says, whether from a spouse, a friend or an employee. They set themselves up for disappointment. Better to expect less and appreciate more, he says.
The same holds true for valuing what we have - not what we don't. The missing tile syndrome afflicts many people, narrowing their view of the world to the one missing piece, or one defect, rather than widening their view to encompass the beauty of the whole, even if it is imperfect.
"In life there will always be tiles missing," he writes.
Today's focus on immediate gratification also impedes our ability to be happy.
"It takes wisdom and training to delay gratification," he says. He says humans are capable of learning those behaviors. "If I did not believe that I would not have written the book."
Prager goes on to make the distinction between fun and happiness, suggesting that happiness requires a higher level of maturity and understanding.
"The difference between the two is how you feel after you act," he says. "As you get older you realize that fun does not last."
The book satisfies its claim as a repair manual with a series of simple how-to techniques. Still obsessing about that missing tile? "Get it, forget it, replace it," advises Prager.
He offers advice on controlling insatiable desires, defining success and retooling our human relationships.
It is not until nearly the end of the book - and the end of the interview - that Prager treats the role of religion in engendering happiness.
"Yes, we need religion," he says, along with psychological awareness. Prager identifies himself as a religious non-Orthodox Jew.
"I do not know how we can see all of life and just believe that there is nothing beyond that," he says. "How can we deal with all the human suffering?"
Prager says that he believes that there is a God because there is order and meaning in the universe. He also says that religious practice contains an essential element for claiming happiness.
"It gives me something to look forward to," he says. "I look forward to Shabbat every week, I get excited about it."
So much of Prager's advice, like that of many self-help books, seems to be so simple as to be, well, simplistic.
"The obvious is the least perceived of all things in life," he says. "It took Moses to figure out that the burning bush was burning and not consumed.
"The obvious evades people," he says. "That's why I am paid to state the obvious everyday."
Contact the writer at vicki_cabot@jewishaz.com.
Details
- What: Jewish Book Fair 2003 grand opening patron event
- Who: Dennis Prager
- When: 7 p.m., Thursday, Oct. 30
- Where: Valley of the Sun JCC, 12701 N. Scottsdale Road.
- Cost: $40, includes lecture and dessert reception with author
- Call: 480-483-7121, ext. 1206
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