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September 5, 2003/Elul 8 5763, Vol. 55, No. 54
Teshuvah demands preparation
BARRY COHEN
Editor
Before any contest, the competitors prepare. A tennis player practices every aspect of the game from the service return to what puts his opponent off-balance. Jazz musicians learn the nature of musical scores, from keys to chord progressions to tempos, in order to maximize the quality of their solos. Such devoted preparation is repeated by trial lawyers before they stand in front of a judge, by doctors before they walk into an operating room, by politicians before the start of a debate.
During the Hebrew month of Elul, from Aug. 29-Sept. 27, the Jewish people also are to prepare for the High Holidays. The High Holiday prize is teshuvah, repentance and atonement for the sins we have committed during the year.
Throughout the year, invariably, we commit sins against others and against ourselves. Tradition instructs us to atone for the sins against our fellow human beings by apologizing immediately - well before Yom Kippur.
But what about when we fail ourselves, when we are self-destructive or self-defeating? How do we unlearn these behaviors, atone and start anew?
Rabbi Alan Lew's book, "This is Real and You are Completely Unprepared" (Little, Brown & Company, $23.05, hardcover) provides valuable insight and guidance to address these questions.
Lew notes that we should set aside time during Elul for introspection. This time can be spent to pray, l'hit'pa'leil. This verb is reflexive, most likely based on the Ugaritic word, "to judge oneself." While God may preside as a judge during the High Holidays, we often are our harshest, most exacting judge.
Prayer is more than requests, thanksgiving or praise. Prayer is a path to self-discovery. Lew teaches that when we pray, the thoughts and flashes of memory that distract us are not to be discarded or deemed insignificant; these "distractions" are often the unconscious rising to the surface, providing glimpses of our darker side, our self-destructive side. Elul is a time to confront what misdirects our prayers and strive to understand why these thoughts, these memories rise to the surface.
If prayer makes us uncomfortable or is simply not a priority, Lew explains that we can "practice" by setting aside time, thinking about one aspect of our lives we want to improve. We can address our work environment, a relationship, how we use or abuse alcohol or how we spend money. The goal is to become as aware as possible about this subject, well before the Days of Awe.
Of note, in Hebrew, the numeric value for "Elul" is the same as the Hebrew word "binah" - understanding.
In the coming days, let us gain self-understanding of how and why we fail ourselves. Through practice, when we walk through the synagogue doors on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, we will be prepared to win the annual contest of teshuvah and gain the prize of atonement.
Contact the writer at barry_cohen@jewishaz.com.
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