Stressed out in the Sinai

Torah study

KAREN WINKLER WEISS
B'ha'alotecha, Numbers 8:1-12:16

"The riffraff in their midst felt a gluttonous craving; and the Israelites, moreover, wept and said, 'If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish that we used to eat free in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic." (Numbers 11:4-5)

"And Moses said to Adonai, 'Why have I not enjoyed Your favor, that You have laid the burden of all this people upon me?' " (Numbers 11:11-12)

A wise-beyond-her-years college friend once said to me, "Everyone's worst problem is just as bad for them as your worst problem is for you - and vice versa."

As a parent, a spouse, and a teacher, my friend's insight has been a big help to me. The times when I feel most incompetent as a parent are when every member of my family, adult and child, is immersed in his or her own worst problem.

In B'ha'alotecha, we see a striking difference between the kvetching of the people, who behave like children, and the torments of their leader, who feels as if he is the parent of an entire family of screaming brats. During the Israelites' trek, both the people and their leader, Moses, experience what they feel are their worst problems. The people repeatedly encounter thirst, hunger, and most of all, fear. Moses continually confronts the overwhelming feeling that he is inadequate to the task that God has assigned to him.

Moses is truly at the end of his rope when he feels like a parent of the immature, unruly, ornery Jewish people. Without hesitation, God helps and guides Moses by instructing him to delegate some of his responsibility as leader (Numbers11:16).

With the job of being a parent comes the responsibility to seek out those who can serve as elders in our lives. There are friends, neighbors, and teachers who know how bad we feel when we just can't seem to manage our children's needs and moods. There are social workers, psychologists, and medical doctors who can understand and help.

"As a nursing father bears a suckling child," the Talmud states. It is the responsibility of the dayan (judge) to carry the community: To what extent? "As a nursing father bears a suckling child." In other words, we know that even if a suckling child dirties the person carrying it or slaps him in the face, the person does not drop the child, but continues to carry it. The same must be true for leaders of the Jewish community. Even when the members of the community bother and humiliate them, they must love them and pray for them. (Netziv, in his commentary on the Torah, cited in "Torah Gems, vol. 3," Tel Aviv: Yavneh Publishing House, 1992, p. 51)

How do the challenges facing synagogue leaders resemble the trials and tribulations of parenting? Who are the children and who are the grown-ups in your synagogue community?

How is God's presence felt when there are problems to resolve within the synagogue community?