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June 13, 2003/Sivan 13 5763, Vol. 55, No. 42
Sounds of joy, voices of celebration
VICKI CABOT
Contributing Editor
The devil is in the details ... and so is the divine.
Into the last week of wedding planning for one of our daughters, I've got lists of my lists of my lists. Table seating, timelines, travel itineraries. Reminders for the band, the photographer, the videographer. Notes to pick up programs, place cards and gowns. Marriages may be made in heaven, but weddings are made via e-mail, phone and fax, at the florist, the caterer and the mall.
Or so it seems.
And yet, hewing to the detailed rituals of a traditional Jewish wedding subtly shifts the focus from wedding plan to grand plan. The wedding particulars recede, from the venue, to the d‚cor, to the menu. The signal elements are the bride and groom and their commitment to begin life together.
The bride is queen, the groom is king. The guests are their court, charged with enhancing their happiness and joy. The chupah, or marriage canopy, symbolizes their new home, the traditional circling of the groom signifies the sanctity of their relationship, as the bride creates a protective circle around her new husband. Yet the walls of the chupah are open, representing the Jewish value of hospitality, and the couple stands within the loving circle of family and friends. The sheva berachot, the blessings representing the seven days of festivities following the wedding, reinforce the extended ties, as the couple is feted in the community.
There is the underlying dichotomy between separateness and connectedness. For the week preceding the wedding the bride and groom do not see each other. The rite provides a division between their lives as single adults and the new life they are creating as a married couple. During the ceremony they will drink from the same cup of wine, then share their first meal as husband and wife in seclusion. Afterwards, they will be regaled by their wedding guests at a joyous celebration.
Jewish law affirms that marriage is an obligation. "It is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis, 2:18) is the signal imperative. "Be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28) is a primary tenet of Jewish life. And as our children ready to stand under the chupah, the true meaning of the commandments and the rituals becomes exceedingly clear. The groom will declare, "Behold, with this ring you are consecrated to me, in accordance with the laws of Moses and Israel," as he places the wedding ring on the bride's finger. Some 30 years before, at his bris, his parents declared their aspirations for a life of Torah, chupah and good deeds.
And now, here he is, marrying our third daughter, fulfilling that promise and creating anew the possibility of continued Jewish life.
Surely cause for joy.
And an understanding of the traditional blessing, "May it be heard in the cities of Judea and in the streets of Jerusalem, the sound of joy and the sound of celebration, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride."
Contact the writer at vicki_cabot@jewishaz.com.
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