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May 2, 2002/Nisan 30, 5763 Vol. 55, No. 36
Speak with care
Torah study
RABBI LEO ABRAMI
Kedoshim/Leviticus 19-20
Words are the most common medium of communication. They convey the meaning we wish to impart in dialogue. If we use the wrong word in our conversation, we will be sending the wrong message and much confusion may result from it.
A tragic accident happened a few years ago that cost the lives of the 72 passengers aboard Avianca, flight 52, some 25 miles away from John F. Kennedy Airport in New York. The plane ran out of gas because of the poor communication between the pilot and the air traffic controllers. Under international regulations, an airliner must carry enough fuel to reach its destination, plus enough for a delay of 45 minutes. Given its low fuel condition, the Avianca pilot had requested priority landing, instead of emergency landing. Because the correct word was not used by the pilot, the plane was placed in a holding pattern until it simply ran out of gas and crashed. All the passengers and crew perished.
Unlike what happened with this flight, people can also willfully and knowingly distort the meaning of words to cast suspicion upon the integrity of others. As a result, they are sending a negative message that may have unfortunate consequences. That is why the Torah says: "Do not go about as a talebearer among your people." (Leviticus 19:16)
Once rumors have been spread, it is almost impossible to erase the damage.
A Hasidic master told the story of a person who came to see him and confessed, "I have been guilty of gossiping against my friend for months and now I wish to undo the wrong I have done. Please tell me what to do."
After reflection, the rabbi told him to bring a feather pillow and said, "Go outside, rip the pillow open and shake out the feathers."
The man followed the instruction of the rabbi and then came back to the rabbi and asked, "Now what should I do?"
"Go outside and gather all the feathers and then return to me," said the rabbi.
The man looked startled and asked, "But how can I gather all the feathers, now that they are scattered to the four winds?"
The rabbi answered: "Now that you have spoken gossip, how can you recall it, since the rumors you started have now been spread by others to every corner of the community?"
Lashon ha'rah, or bad-mouthing, is one of the biblical precepts that is most widely disobeyed. "Gossip," say our sages, "destroys the integrity of three people: the speaker, the listener and the person who is the object of the bad-mouthing." That is why it is important that we be careful about what we say, even if it is true, lest we hurt the feelings and the reputation of others.
Rabban Gamliel once asked his disciple Toby to go to the market and buy the best kind of food. The servant brought home a tongue. The next day, Gamliel asked him to buy the worst kind of food. And Toby brought back a tongue. When asked for an explanation, the disciple replied: "There is nothing better than a good tongue, and nothing worse than an evil tongue."
"Words of understanding and sympathy," wrote Lucy R. Goodwin, "are wonderful instruments for unlocking the hearts and minds of people. They transcend all cultures, turning strangers into brothers, blotting out intolerance and discrimination."
On the other hand, a bad word can create enmity between people, as Shakespeare aptly wrote: "One doth not know how much an ill word may empoison liking."
The best way to avoid the consequences of gossip is to follow the commandment, "Do not go about as a talebearer among your people."
Leo Abrami is the rabbi of Beth Emeth Congregation, Sun City West, and an instructor for the Bureau of Jewish Education of the Greater Phoenix.
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