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November 8, 2002/Kislev 3 5763, Vol. 55, No. 11
Children deserve unconditional love
Torah study
RABBI SHLOMO RISKIN
Toldot/Genesis 25:19-28:9
The tragedy which haunts Jacob until the end of his life, the transgression which reforms the rest of the book of Genesis is Jacob's deception of his father in order to wrest the blessings meant for Esau.
In "measure for measure" fashion, Laban gives Jacob the unloved daughter under the marriage canopy because "it is not done in our place to give the younger before the elder" - setting the stage for the bitter rivalry of the wives which led to Reuben's heinous crime against his father - and father Jacob is deceived by his sons regarding the disappearance of his beloved Joseph with the false explanation, "he has been torn apart by a wild beast" - setting the stage for the sale of Joseph into Egypt and the subsequent deception of Joseph's brothers by the Grand Vizier of Pharaoh.
Moreover, the enmity between Jacob's children and Esau's children (Israel vs. Rome) as well as the internal strife and sibling hatred among the children of Israel themselves reverberates throughout Jewish history and plagues us even now.
What would impel the "wholehearted" Jacob, the studious dweller of tents, to fall prey to an act of deception and pose as his brother in disguise for the sake of the blessings? And what makes the verse even stranger to comprehend is the fact that it was bound to be uncovered. After all, Esau would appear sooner or later with the venison in hand, and the wrath of father Isaac was certain to fall upon the head of imposter Jacob.
I believe a fascinating answer may be found within the complexity of the parent-child, father-son relationship, which is so profoundly depicted within the parchment folds of the amazing book of Genesis. The stage is set for the sibling rivalry between the twin brothers Jacob and Esau with the words, "Isaac favored Esau because he had a taste for game, but Rebecca favored Jacob." (Genesis 25:28)
Every child yearns for - and deserves - unconditional love from his/her parents; after all, the child did not ask to be born into the world, and the most potent armor he/she can receive as protection against the irrational forces expelled by both environment and society is the protective love of parents. And within the patriarchal society that was Jacob's world, Jacob especially needed the unconditional love of his father.
Tragically, he didn't receive it. Rebecca loved Jacob, apparently unconditionally. But that was not enough. Jacob felt unloved, rejected by his father - who did love his brother Esau. Jacob desperately yearned for this love, and there was a way for him to acquire it. After all, Isaac did not love Esau unconditionally; he loved him because he had a taste for game, because Esau fed his father the venison meat he so dearly loved.
I argue that Jacob desperately wanted to feel his fathers' love, even if but for a brief period. If he supplied the venison meat, if he truly expressed the words "I am Esau your first born," then perhaps Isaac would love him just as he loved Esau. Indeed, Jacob yearns to be Esau - because then he could hope to gain paternal acceptance and affection.
And so begins Jacob's odyssey, first searching for an Esau identity in Laban's house for 22 years and then succeeding in exorcising Esau at the Yabbok River, in order to become reconciled with his own true self. But Jacob's journey will only be completed, and the Lord will only become his God, when he eventually returns in peace to - and is at peace with - his father's house.
Rabbi Shlomo Riskin is the spiritual leader of Efrat, Israel.
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