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May 10, 2002/Iyar 28, 5762, Vol. 54, No. 34
One size doesn't fit all
VICKI CABOT
Contributing Editor
When we were growing up, my three sisters and I played house.
"You be the mommy, I'll be the daddy," was how it began.
Our littlest sister usually was the baby - "she can't do anything anyway," was the thinking - and one of us had to be Irving the dog, leashed, collared, barking on command.
Oh to be that young again, when donning an apron and playing house seemed, well, so idyllic. So simple. Who knew then that we would grow up to find ourselves confronted with a multiplicity of choices, a multitude of roles, and have to sort them out on our own? Who knew then that life was not quite so idyllic, and certainly, not that simple?
Ask any woman who has worked hard to combine family and career. Ask Karen Hughes, who recently announced that she is leaving the Bush White House to return to Texas to be closer to family. Ask acting Gov. Jane Swift of Massachusetts who decided to opt out of the 2002 gubernatorial race because she has young children. Ask Mary Matalin, chief aide to Vice President Dick Cheney, who accompanied Secretary of State Colin Powell to Israel but later lamented missing 6-year-old daughter Matty's first missing tooth.
Or ask any of the nearly 80 percent of mothers in the nation's work force with children ages 6-17. Our ranks have continued to swell as opportunities have multiplied, as day care options have proliferated. The Federal Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that in 1975, 34 million women were in the workforce; in 1995, 57.5 million. Most striking has been the upsurge in the number of working moms with children under the age of one, though more recent data show a slight diminution, attributed, say experts, to delayed childrearing, greater earning capacity and more confidence in reentering the work force after an extended leave. Some predict, though, that the current economic downturn may slow that trend.
It's not easy to prioritize, to strive daily to balance family responsibilities and workplace obligations, to maintain equilibrium between career aspirations and family needs.
Some days it seems as if we can do it all, have it all. Some days it doesn't. And some days we feel as if all we want to do is crawl into a corner and woof-woof like Irving the dog.
But despite the angst, most women would rather have the option to work - or not. To choose how to sort out the pieces of their lives - and figure out how to put them together in the future.
One size doesn't fit all when it comes to mothers. There are as many sizes and shapes as there are women, as many permutations as there are nuclear families, blended families, single parent families. So this Mother's Day, forget the harried trip to the mall and the preoccupation with small, medium or large. Let's give ourselves, and those we love, the gift that has no measure - freedom to make the choices that are right for each of us. And with that, tuck in a wish for the wisdom and self-confidence to make the choices that fit.
Happy Mother's Day.
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