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May 4, 2001/Iyar 11, 5761, Vol. 53, No.31
Intermarriage survey has 'ominous' news
JULIE WIENER
Jewish Telegraphic Agency
Jewish women who are intermarried create much more Jewishly identified households than do Jewish men married to non-Jews.
But regardless of whether the mother is Jewish, most interfaith families - even those raising their children as Jews - incorporate substantial Christian celebrations into their lives, often including more Christian aspects as the couple and their children age.
And despite the conventional wisdom that intermarriage is inevitable in an open society, Jews whose parents encourage them to marry within the faith are more likely to do so than those whose parents did not express an opinion on intermarriage.
These are some of the assertions of a new American Jewish Committee study on intermarried families in which the non-Jewish spouse has not converted.
Based on extensive interviews with 254 people from 127 households, the study offers a glimpse into how intermarried families - particularly ones that are raising their children exclusively as Jews - balance Jewishness with the competing pull of the non-Jewish spouse's background and family. The participants lived in New England, New Jersey, Denver and Atlanta.
But because it relies on information from a relatively small sample of families, and because it supplies ammunition to those strongly opposed to intermarriage - including a national "in-marriage" coalition formed by the AJCommittee - the study likely will be greeted with skepticism from advocates of intermarried outreach.
The AJCommittee says the study proves that "the dynamics of Jewish identity within mixed marriage are particularly ominous for Jewish continuity," and that the Jewish community needs to be more aggressive in promoting in-marriage.
Months before the study was completed, the AJCommittee formed its coalition promoting in-marriage, and one of its members - Jack Wertheimer, the provost of the Conservative movement's Jewish Theological Seminary - published an essay critiquing outreach to the intermarried in the March issue of Commentary magazine.
For years, Jewish leaders have divided into "inreach" and "outreach" camps on intermarriage - those who say scarce resources should be used to strengthen the Jewish commitments of people already engaged in Jewish life as opposed to those who support efforts welcoming intermarried families and encouraging their involvement in the Jewish community.
Backers of inreach often argue that welcoming the intermarried actually encourages intermarriage by reducing the stigma of marrying outside the faith.
While the leaders have debated such issues, most American Jews have quietly grown to accept intermarriage.
Ten years ago the National Jewish Population Survey reported that approximately half of American Jews were marrying non-Jews.
This fall, an AJCommittee survey found that half of American Jews believe opposition to intermarriage is "racist," while 78 percent think rabbis should officiate at weddings between Jews and non-Jews.
The new study is written by Sylvia Barack Fishman, co-director of the Hadassah International Research Institute on Jewish Women, a professor in Brandeis University's Near Eastern and Judaic studies department and a member of the AJCommittee coalition promoting in-marriage.
According to the study, those families often send more diluted messages about Jewishness as the children age. For example, many Jewish parents initially refuse to celebrate Christmas or Easter in the home, but eventually compromise out of a desire to be fair to their spouses or because aging in-laws are no longer able to host Christian holiday celebrations.
The study also found that many non-Jewish parents eventually grew to resent their children's Jewish upbringing, though they initially had agreed to the concept. The resentment stemmed from a feeling of exclusion - particularly when the child learned unfamiliar rituals and language - as well as a general discomfort with organized religion.
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