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April 6, 2001/Nisan 13, 5761, Vol. 53, No.27
The meaning of Passover
Parents help children value tradition
BETH OLSON
Staff Writer
Rabbi Chaim Silver believes that passing on the story of Passover to the next generation is central to the seder. Clockwise from back left are the Silver children, Yisroel, Yossi, Eli, Batsheva and Avigail.
Photo courtesy of Rabbi Chaim Silver |
When you reflect on the Passover seders of your childhood, what stands out most? Being famished before the meal is finally eaten? Being bored at the prospect of reciting the entire haggadah? Being the child who did not find the afikomen (dessert matzo), and therefore went without reward?
Or are those childhood Passover memories pleasant ones of spending time with family, being surrounded by tradition and included as an important participant?
Perhaps a bit of each?
Several local rabbis, educators and parents can serve as resources for families who wish to make their own Passover experience positive, fun and, most of all, meaningful.
Rabbi Chaim Silver of Young Israel in Phoenix has five young children, Yossi, 10, Yisroel, 8, Avigail, 6, Eli, 3, and Batsheva, 20 months. He feels that the children are central to the seder.
"The Torah commandment of having a Pesach seder obviously revolves around the telling of the story," he explains. "The theme of Pesach is relating the story to our children."
According to Silver, the children's participation in the celebration of Passover need not be exclusive to the seder, but can begin with preparations for the holiday. His children assist in preparing the seder plate - grating the maror (bitter herbs), burning the shank bone, roasting the egg and preparing the charoset (nut and apple mixture). The children are also responsible for cleaning their rooms, and they enjoy the search for the chametz (leavened food) prior to the beginning of Passover.
Rabbi Andrew Straus of Temple Emanuel of Tempe also solicits help from his children, Carly, 7, Elana, 4, and Michael, 2. The family shops for Passover together and then the children assist in emptying the cabinets and filling them with items kosher for Passover. Straus' children also enjoy preparing the seder plate and setting the table.
Both Straus and Silver agree that in order to have a successful experience, whoever is going to lead the seder must be prepared.
"They've got to think ahead of time. You can't just sit down that night and figure it out," says Straus.
"I think it's important for the parents to come to the Pesach seder prepared to be able to teach the children what they need to teach," says Silver. "(Parents should) come to the Pesach seder with a little more understanding of the practices and customs so they will be able to pass it on to their children."
He suggests parents take classes in order to prepare.
Another important aspect of preparing for the seder is the selection of a haggadah, says Rabbi Bonnie Koppell of Temple Beth Sholom in Chandler, mother of Jessie, 14, and Sarah, 12.
"Make sure your haggadah is oriented toward your target audience. When you have very small kids you're gong to have a very different seder than when you have all adults," she explains.
Silver feels that while parents may want to select a family-friendly haggadah, with lots of color and pictures, it is important that families use an unabridged version. He suggests "The Survival Kit Family Haggadah" (Leviathan Press, $8.95 paperback).
Once the seder begins, there are a variety of techniques parents can use to incorporate their children.
Carol Bell, director for the Beth El Center for Early Childhood Education, recommends asking questions to encourage children's involvement. Parents can ask questions such as, "If you were a slave in Egypt how would you feel?" and "If you were leaving Egypt, what would you bring with you?" to make the Passover story more meaningful. She also suggests asking questions that can be used to strengthen their Jewish identity.
"How are we different? Why is it important to be different and special in today's world?" says Bell. "What does it mean to feel Jewish? What makes us appreciate freedom, family and tradition. ... What I encourage families to do is make it meaningful to them. Make it relevant."
Silver uses questions to find out how much his children can recall or have learned about Passover. He also says that he has varied the tradition of offering children nuts at the seder for answering questions correctly, by giving his children candy instead.
Koppell says the Four Questions are a starting point, but there should be a comfortable atmosphere for all questions.
"Make sure you have an environment where people feel encouraged to ask questions. I think that is important for children and adults," she emphasizes.
With older children and adults, Koppell suggests playing Jeopardy - put the answers on cards and then hold them up at points during the seder and see who can come up with the question. She says it can help older children "understand the contemporary application of the meaning of Passover."
Koppell says that the notion of dayenu (enough) can also take on modern significance in our "consumer-driven culture, where we're driven by more, more, more."
She relates a story from when her daughters were young, and she asked them if there were things of which they had enough. They answered, "We have dayenu Barbies."
She suggests talking to children about what things they have "enough."
Another technique for getting children involved is by incorporating songs into the seder, Bell suggests, such as putting the ten plagues to the tune of Jeopardy.
Mindy Oppenheimer of Phoenix, mother to Natalie, 7, Jenna, 4, and Rachel, 1, says her family is traditionally observant. They take a special trip for Passover each year, so she says it is challenging to make the holiday meaningful without having home-based traditions.
She says they not only use songs, but dramatic play as well, to get the children involved.
"We do a lot of acting out the stories, whether it's the Exodus or the four sons," she says.
Straus uses dramatic play techniques, as well. He says that at various points during last year's seder he sent the children out with a theme for a play and they would dress up and come back to perform for the adults. While the children were out of the room, Straus led an adult discussion.
"It made for a seder that could work on multigenerational levels," he recalls.
At one point in the seder, Straus says, the group played charades.
"(Everyone) reached in a bag and pulled out the name of a character or a scene and they had to act it out, (while) the rest of us had to try to figure out what it was."
Another new idea for Straus at last year's seder was to move from the table to the living room after the lighting of the candles and the first kiddush.
"(We were) sitting around the coffee table and on the floor with big pillows and things like that. We had snacks for the kids to eat and for the adults to eat. We did the rest of the seder sitting around the coffee table, away from the (seder) table. We were able to relax much more."
Koppell also serves snacks so that seder participants are not very hungry. She suggests serving hors d'oeuvres with the dipping of the parsley, or the technique her mother would use - inviting guests a half hour early and providing food before the seder.
An aspect of the seder that has typically been geared toward children is the search for the afikomen. There are two traditional methods for hiding the afikomen - either it is hidden by the leader of the seder, who then rewards the child who finds it, or it is hidden by the children and then the leader bargains with them to return it.
"One of the reasons given for the custom (of hiding the afikomen) is to keep the interest of the children until the end of the seder," says Silver.
Koppell emphasizes that there should be a reward for each child and not just the one who finds the afikomen.
"You want to reward the searching and not just the finding. You don't want the seder to be about seven kids who didn't find the afikomen and one hero," she says.
Straus emphasizes that children don't have the attention span of adults.
"Understand that kids are going to be kids. Expecting them to sit there for 45 minutes without eating around a fancy table isn't going to work for them."
The most important aspect of Passover, according to Silver, is tradition.
"When I read the Haggadah with my family, I still hear my father's and grandfather's voices. I try to imitate my grandfather," he recalls. "Pesach is all about giving over the story from one generation to the next, and it's been given over the exact same way since we left Egypt in the year 2448. It's actually a very exciting idea that we sit at the Pesach seder and I'm imitating my grandfather, who was imitating his grandfather, and we're doing it the exact same way."
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