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March 23, 2001/Adar 28, 5761, Vol. 53, No.25
Making fun of ourselves no joke
MARTY LATZ
Special to Jewish News
It's 11 p.m. Saturday night, and I'm furious. I just returned from a St. Patrick's Day party at a friend of a friend's. The party was delightful - until 10:15 p.m., when a 30-something, professional-looking woman joined us in the backyard of a private home on Squaw Peak.
I don't recall her exact words, but my back went up. She referred - in a fashion she obviously considered funny - to her "obnoxious" Jewish classmates at Brandeis University. While Jewish herself, she said her fellow Jewish classmates were "twice as obnoxious" as others in part, apparently, because they were Jewish.
Most of her listeners, apparently finding her remarks humorous, laughed.
A guy at the party - whom I later learned was also Jewish - began making similar comments. While he mocked the first speaker, he also played off her stereotyped comments about Jews with comments of his own.
This opened the floodgates. Several others in the largely non-Jewish group piped in - tentatively at first, then with less hesitation. Some were Jewish. Topics eliciting laughs included the distinctiveness of Jewish-sounding names and comments relating to "rich Jews" and "rich Jewish women."
I was offended, and I said so. I told my fellow partygoers they were recycling false perceptions about Jews that have been enormously destructive in the past. Such stereotyping has no redeeming value. At the least, it devalues identity and diminishes human dignity. At worst, it provides anti-Semites with ammunition.
"Don't be so sensitive," one person told me. "We're here among friends and other professionals. We know the difference."
Another listener, who is Jewish, said, "Face it, Jews are different. Plus, we should be able to make fun of ourselves. Don't be so politically correct."
A non-Jew commented, "Hey, stereotypes are based at some level on truth, so where's the harm?"
Here's the harm. If I say nothing, my silence perpetuates the stereotypes and signals passive acceptance of misinformation about Jews. That's intolerable. In addition, everyone hearing that conversation - especially if it goes unchallenged - a) may accept the comments as reflecting a degree of truth; b) may repeat such comments and justify discrimination based on these "facts" about Jews; and c) may project preconceived notions about Jews the next time they meet a Jewish person.
Several weeks ago, a Jewish friend told me she and her husband had applied for membership in a country club that has a reputation for rejecting Jews. They also were rejected. My friend doesn't know why this happened, but she's been told by club members that it's probably because she and her husband are Jewish.
I can imagine the membership committee's conversation: "Look, everyone knows Jews are more obnoxious than others. After all, I was at a party recently, and several Jews were even saying it about themselves. If they believe it, it must be true. We don't want obnoxious members here, do we?"
That's harmful.
Marty Latz is a Phoenix attorney and negotiation trainer. He may be reached at Latz@NegotiationInstitute.com.
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