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December 1, 2000/Kislev 10, 5761, Vol. 53, No.10
A minyan opinion
MARTY LATZ
Special to Jewish News
I received a call from an Orthodox Jewish friend.
"I'm desperate," she said. "We need a minyan tonight, and we need your help."
I felt slightly uncomfortable. I am a Reform Jew and can't remember the last time I participated in a minyan.
So I asked: how long would it last, and why was it being held?
My friend explained that the minyan was being held to celebrate a recently married couple. The ceremony was scheduled to last about 15 minutes. I agreed to participate. I arrived at my friend's home at 8 p.m. Ninety minutes later, I walked out with new friends and a deeper appreciation of the meaning of a minyan.
"Minyan," Hebrew for "count," signifies the 10 male adult worshipers required for holding public prayer. According to "The Book of Jewish Knowledge," a minyan represents the "spiritual superiority of congregational prayer over private devotions. (It helps create) a religious and emotional bond that help(s) preserve the consciousness of group identity."
The gathering this particular evening included 11 men - one a 13-year-old recent bar mitzvah - along with an equal number of women. Most, but not all, were Orthodox.
Two aspects of the minyan particularly struck me, one religious, the other connected to its ambiance.
The rabbi told the newly married couple a story about how they might more effectively relate to each other and accomplish their material goals. From the time Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge, he said, the husband's curse has been to work for food and the wife's curse has been to be subservient to her husband. To lessen the burden on his wife, the rabbi said, the husband should honor and respect her. Doing so also would lessen the weight of his own curse, as it would enable him more effectively to make a living, the rabbi added.
Of course, I agree that the husband should honor and respect his wife. And I understand the importance of helping newly married couples learn to live together effectively and to live better lives. But the story of the curses made me quite uncomfortable.
I believe men and women are created equal and that their relationship with each other ought to be based on equality, honor and respect, not on any notion of subservience. I also reject the notion that the man in a marriage, cursed or not, must provide the food and make the living. I know many highly successful couples in which the woman is the major breadwinner. This is a personal decision each couple should make, taking into account their short- and long-term needs and interests.
In reflecting about the rabbi's story of Adam and Eve, I realize that these notions represent a significant difference between Orthodox and Reform Judaism. Despite this intellectual disagreement, however, I had found myself in the midst of a very welcoming and accepting gathering, meant to help the community celebrate the marriage of two deeply in love individuals.
The celebratory evening, including the brief, delightful ceremony, was for me a learning experience. I'm glad I was given the opportunity to perform this mitzvah.
Marty Latz, a Phoenix attorney and negotiation trainer and consultant, can be reached at 602-870-9301 or at Latz@NegotiationInstitute.com.
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