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November 24, 2000/Heshvan 26, 5761, Vol. 53, No.9
Solo-to-soul connections
Couple blends psychology and spirituality in Basherte Workshop
LEISAH NAMM
Staff Writer
Co-facilitator Efraim Eisen, right, joins in a small group discussion with Mindi Horwitch and Jonathon Arthur.
Photo by Barry Bisman |
Taking a break from the singles-dance, happy-hour scene, about 75 Jewish singles gathered Nov. 10-12 at the Scottsdale Pima Inn & Suites for a Basherte (soul mate) Workshop.
Founders/facilitators Rosalie and Efraim Eisen have designed the workshop around the theme "To meet your soulmate, you must meet your soul." They use communication exercises and group discussions to help Jewish singles examine what they are looking for in a relationship.
The Eisens, who live in Northampton, Mass., developed the workshop in 1993 and now lead 20-25 workshops a year in the United States, Canada and Israel.
The format grew out of "what we felt when we were both single and yearning for a Jewish spouse and experiencing difficulty in finding places ... to meet someone who would be interested in living a Jewish spiritual life," says Rosalie Eisen.
Rosalie, who has a master's degree in human development, worked as a financial planner before doing the workshops full-time. Efraim worked as a marriage and family therapist for 23 years and is now a Jewish chaplain at Mt. Holyoke College in Massachusetts.
The couple blend psychology and spirituality into their workshops.
"Our favorite places are where you find that sort of intersection, that junction," Rosalie says.
Several aspects of psychology are "so similar to what some of the Chasidic masters say. There's so much juncture between psy-chology and Jewish values, really how to live one's life," she adds.
The Eisens also shared their own past relationships and the stumbling blocks they encountered in searching for their basherte. They met in 1991, both divorced with teenage children, at a Jewish Renewal gathering in Philadelphia. Both were living in Oregon.
Traveling across the country to meet their soul mates led them to realize that "there was a lack of programming, awareness and consciousness on the part of the (Jewish) community to really help promote people meeting each other in a holy and healthy way," they said in a 1998 article in The Jewish Transcript of Seattle.
Their workshops employ storytelling, guided imagery, music, process exercises and prayer to bring Jewish singles together, and enhance Jewish identity and spirituality.
The couple recently released a compact disc, "Every Being Has a Light," a collection of inspirational words and music. On the recording, both Efraim and Rosalie do vocals, and Efraim composed most of the melodies and plays acoustic guitar.
During the workshop weekend, participants formed small groups in which they were given two minutes to respond to such questions as "What is something good that happened this week?" and "When was a time when you experienced awe?"
In another exercise, men and women sat apart with their backs to each other and took turns speaking into a microphone to anonymously answer the question, "What is it you always wanted to tell the opposite sex?"
The weekend included discussions and sing-alongs, lots of food and a Jewish Renewal Shabbat service filled with singing and storytelling.
"I have a more focused approach to how to date and how to look for someone," says Mindi Horwitch, who traveled from Albuquerque, N.M., to attend the workshop. "I think that it helped fine-tune the qualities in someone else I would be looking for and the places that I would look."
Rather than expecting to leave the workshop hand-in-hand with their basherte, most participants attended to better understand themselves and what they're looking for in a mate.
"The workshop helped me recognize life-long patterns that I have ... so now I can deal with these issues and move on past them," says Karen Wortman of Tucson.
For many participants, the workshop format was a desirable alternative to singles dances and happy hours.
"It's so much different than going to a singles evening where nobody even connects," says Valley resident Erika Morgenstern. "You have a group of maybe 100 people and everybody is alone in the room. But here they made such an effort to get everybody together and it worked and it's wonderful and we need more of this."
Single adults, particularly those over 35, are very tired of strictly social programming, says Rosalie Eisen. "They really find it rather demeaning." They prefer spiritual programming, educational programming and "channels where they can meet like-minded people," she says.
The Basherte Workshop came to the Valley through the efforts of Rabbi Ayla Grafstein, spiritual leader of Ruach Hamidbar-Spirit of the Desert, a Jewish Renewal congregation in Scottsdale.
"I was inspired to bring it to the Phoenix area when I realized how disillusioned most Jewish singles were," Grafstein says. "Many felt let down by our community's lack of support. I was told over and over again how this community invests in everything but Jewish singles."
Grafstein wrote a grant to get support from the Jewish Federation of Greater Phoenix and asked for the support of local rabbis.
"(The rabbis) were very happy to lend their support and write letters of recommendation and refer people to the workshop," she says.
Grafstein's work paid off. The workshop was funded by the Jewish Community Foundation of the federation and the Dana Cheryl Beitscher Charitable Foundation and cosponsored by 16 local Jewish organizations.
Rosalie Eisen says by far "this was the largest show of community support that any workshop has had."
"I've lived here a long time and it's really nice to see the synagogues really banding together like this," says Gilda Levine of Phoenix. "I wish they would take a greater interest in forming singles groups within their own congregations and opening them up to the public. We need to involve singles in all our congregations."
"After this successful Jewish weekend workshop, I believe that supporting this vital segment of our Jewish population should be No. 1 on our list," Grafstein says. "We need to be proactive on behalf of our Jewish singles. Every Jewish community leader should make this a top priority. ... I hope and pray that we can all join forces in our community and plan more successful events for singles this year."
To find out more about the Basherte Workshop, visit the Web site at www.basherte.com, or call 413-586-3602.
The Basherte Workshop was funded by a grant from the Jewish Community Foundation of the Jewish Federation of Greater Phoenix and the Dana Cheryl Beitscher Charitable Foundation. Cosponsors were Beth El Congregation, Har Zion Congregation, JASS, Jewish Community of Sedona, Ruach Hamidbar-Spirit of the Desert, Successful Singles, Sun Lakes Jewish Congregation, Temple Beth Israel, Temple Beth Sholom, Temple B'rith Shalom of Prescott, Temple Chai, Temple Emanuel, Temple Kol Ami, Temple Solel, Valley of the Sun Jewish Community Center and the Young Leadership Division of the federation.
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