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October 13, 2000/14 Tishri 5761, Vol. 53, No.3
Reaching out
For baby boomers, as larger issues loom, religious life beckons
VICKI CABOT
Contributing Editor
From left, Mark and Zadel Strichartz meet with Sandra Trepper at a recent Har Zion Congregation event for prospective members.
Photo by Mark Gluckman |
Life begins at 50.
At least spiritually, that is.
For many, day-to-day family responsibilities may have ebbed; the pressures of the workplace may have receded; financial security may be within reach. The middle years offer a renewed opportunity to delve into some of life's deeper issues.
"As they get older, people are searching for ... identity, purpose (or) meaning," says Rabbi Kenneth Segel of Temple Beth Israel in Scottsdale.
And where many go to look for it is through the synagogue doors.
Some, motivated by nostalgia, seek to recover the religion of their parents and grandparents. Others with little or no Jewish background, want to rediscover their roots.
It's not surprising that many turn toward Jewish institutions.
"For most North American Jews, the synagogue is the gateway to Jewish life," says Rabbi Larry Hoffman, who is spearheading Synagogue 2000, a national movement designed to revitalize synagogue life.
Statistics bear out his observation. Hoffman says that 70 percent to 80 percent of American Jews join a synagogue or temple sometime during their adult lives. At any given moment, the affiliation rate is about 37 percent.
As young marrieds, Jews often choose a congregation predicated on religious school or youth-group programs for their children.
For older adults, choices are driven more by perquisites for personal growth and spiritual nourishment.
Hoffman suggests that the phenomenon is a function of what he calls a "spiritual awakening."
"There is a search for meaning," he says. "Just go to a bookstore and look at the shelves."
Midway through life, "people have more free time," to reconsider their own spiritual needs, says Rabbi Zalman Levertov of Congregation Bais Menachem Chabad Lubavitch in Phoenix. "They work less hours, their kids are not at home." An extensive array of adult education opportunities, ranging from weekly classes to speakers to weekend Shabbat experiences, attract many older participants to the Orthodox Chabad center and its three Valley affiliates.
"People have more time for spirituality," he says, noting that the weekly Chabad fax list has grown exponentially in the past year to some 400 and its e-mail list is keeping pace. Weekly communications offer commentary on the week's Torah portion or Jewish holiday cycle.
Levertov says that affluence has also fueled the spiritual search.
"We have everything. We're not struggling," observes the rabbi about American Jewry. "So we have more time for spirituality."
Sometimes a life-changing experience can spark the search. Mid-life is often the time when parents marry off a child, lose a parent or face retirement or career change.
"Any number of factors can catapult an individual into religious discovery," says Linda Cucher, a certified professional counselor. "It can be a loss, recovery from an illness, a major success."
Whatever the impetus, change often precipitates an acknowledgment of spiritual need.
"We are looking for a way to understand, to feel comfortable, to feel grounded," says Cucher.
Sharona Silverman of Temple Chai's Shalom Center in Phoenix says much of the center's programming is in response to an articulation of spiritual need.
Particularly for those in their 50s and 60s, the possibility of loss of a spouse through death, divorce or separation is real. There are the wrenching issues of aging parents and children who are leaving the family nest to establish homes of their own.
"Transitional issues are different for our population now," says Silverman, ticking off several new offerings at the center this fall which expressly respond to the aging baby-boomer population.
"Dor L'Dor" is a new program for those over age 60, while "Sustaining our Spirits" is billed as a discovery and support group for people over 55.
Silverman says the center saw a need for programming beyond its year-long bereavement groups.
The group seeks to help people make key life decisions.
"Our purpose is to help them decide 'what do you do with the rest of your life?' " says Silverman.
Another group that responds to contemporary needs is "Caring for our Aging Loved Ones."
The ongoing program tends to attract individuals over the age of 50, when many are faced with caretaking roles.
Facilitated by Rabbi Martin Scharf, spiritual leader of Kivel Care Center, and Gary Goodman, a geriatric psychologist, the group provides support and education.
"People are struggling with being able to 'honor their father and mother,' " says Silverman, often confronting the challenges of caring for an elderly parent who may have diminished mental and physical capabilities.
Marci Beliak, helping to care for her mother-in-law, who has dementia, has found the aging support group invaluable.
"We laugh a lot - and we cry too," she says. "But we learn from each other."
Beliak says group members share resources and provide the emotional support needed to deal with what can be a heavy responsibility.
"It's a safe place," she says.
Silverman says the center seeks to help individuals access Jewish resources to help them cope.
"There are not simple answers in our tradition, but there are tools," she says. These might include prayer and meditation; the center also offers periodic healing services which many find comforting.
Most important, says Silverman, is that "people feel that they are not alone."
Seeking out others to help deal with life's challenges is an inherently human activity, says Cucher.
"Sometimes people try to do it alone, but it's very isolating," adds Cucher, who sees adults through seniors in her Scottsdale practice.
A community provides a way to connect with others.
Hoffman says that for Jews, the synagogue or temple can be that place.
He suggests that prayer, learning and opportunities for social action, activities intrinsic to synagogue life, can satisfy those "sacred urges" which often surface with increasing immediacy as people reach mid-life.
"Synagogues should be purpose driven," says Hoffman, impelled by their own spiritual vision.
When Jane Jozoff and her husband, Malcolm, moved to Phoenix four years ago, they immediately sought out a congregation. Jozoff was a longtime synagogue goer whose husband had followed her lead.
Members of Temple Solel in Paradise Valley, Jozoff says the couple, each married for the second time with grown children, often attend Friday night services. They look forward to the spiritual interlude in their usually busy everyday lives.
"It just brings everything together in a nice, quiet setting," says Jozoff of the Shabbat experience. "You can think about things other than your daily life."
Jozoff says that they love Solel for the "setting, the dignity of the service" and especially the music of its cantor, Julie Berlin.
"She has the voice of an angel," says Jozoff, allowing her to lose herself in the service and leave the mundane behind.
Segel says congregants seek out the sanctity of temple services "to find equanimity and fulfillment."
"They can open themselves up in a non-threatening, non-competitive environment," he says.
Segel says the addition of new musical elements during the High Holidays has enhanced the spiritual environment. In addition, he says, many congregants are drawn to the temple weekly for the intellectual stimulation their rabbi can provide.
"Public word well-expressed has incredible power," he says.
New religious rituals have been developed to meet contemporary needs.
Hoffman tells of one congregation that has added a service for those sending their children off to college. Segel says that Beth Israel added a special prayer during its High Holiday children's services that thanks God for the gift of life and the patience and understanding to be a parent or grandparent.
But he takes issue with some of those who suggest that innovation and change are necessary to underline the essential role the synagogue can play in our lives.
"National organizations are looking for a quick fix," he says. He holds that congregations must have confidence in the product they are offering and "go back to basics."
"Torah is timely and timeless," he says, holding that Judaism has the capacity to help us deal with "every facet of life and every human need."
Hoffman's Synagogue 2000 initiative is also Torah-based. "The idea of serious study works," he says, noting that it is an essential component in the program he and Dr. Ron Wolfson, vice president of the University of Judaism in Los Angeles, have devised to bring Jews back to synagogue life.
Rabbi David Rebibo, spiritual leader of Beth Joseph Congregation in Phoenix and initiator of the Greater Phoenix Community Kollel, agrees.
In order to assert its role in Jewish life, the synagogue must become a spiritual center offering classes for all ages and all levels of learning.
"Coming to the synagogue once a week or once a year is not adequate to help people deal with the issues of their day-to-day lives," says Rebibo.
The community kollel, one of two in the Valley, seeks to provide those kinds of meaningful study opportunities.
Rabbi Gedalia Peterseil, kollel director, says the groups' offerings are especially attractive to those in their middle years.
"Many of our classes are focused on how to change yourself for the better," he says. "Lots of people at mid-life are doing a major introspection." Classes are offered currently at Beth Joseph; the kollel will soon offer study opportunities at Temple Chai and a biweekly lunch and learn at the Jewish Federation of Greater Phoenix. Other venues are being considered.
Besides prayer and study, many in their 50s and 60s are seeking opportunities to actualize their Judaism through social action or to connect with other Jews in a variety of social environments. Synagogues must also meet those needs, says Hoffman.
"People want to know they are making a difference," he says. Local congregations offer a plethora of opportunities for helping others.
Socially, the synagogue or temple can become a draw for those in their later years, particularly those who may have recently relocated to the Valley.
Hoffman notes that the average American moves every 2 1/2 years and that the notion of living within comforting reach of extended family is a thing of the past.
"We are a rather lonely crowd," says Hoffman. "We're looking for a community."
Joel Smith, programming coordinator at Temple Beth Israel, cites several programs that help to bring older adults together.
Havurot, small groups of families, and new home-study groups help to meet the need for Jewish association. In addition, the temple's Renaissance group offers purely social opportunities.
Murder mystery night, square dancing and pot luck dinners attract members to once-a-month meetings.
The group now numbers about 200 members.
Smith says it is a way to bring adults into Jewish life.
Phyllis Tragethon, a longtime Beth Israel member, says that the Renaissance group has been the entry way into more meaningful temple participation.
Married for the second time to a practicing Lutheran, Tragethon says the social group has allowed her husband to become more comfortable in the congregation and to become more open to attending services with her.
The group has "opened a door that was totally closed off," she says.
Now, when her granddaughter visits on a Friday night and wants to go to services, often her husband will tag along.
"It works for us," she says.
Synagogues and temples are struggling to meet contemporary needs such as Tragethon's.
They are seeking to help Jews at the midpoints in their lives answer some of life's most pressing questions. And they are providing some solace that in doing so, they are helping to secure the Jewish future.
Concerns about the Jewish identity of children and grandchildren become ever more real during these years as children marry and start families of their own.
Cucher, who admits that she has been a spiritual searcher for most of her life, says that finding succor in a synagogue environment has been particularly meaningful, not only for herself and her husband, she says, but for her children.
"Living as a Jew, I have something enduring to hand down to my children," she says.
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