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September 22, 2000/22 Elul 5760, Vol. 52, No.55
Seeking meaning
Synagogues offer cornucopia of opportunities for adults 35-55
BARRY COHEN
Community Editor
Temple Kol Ami youth groupers and parents display turkeys donated to the Westside Food Bank. From left are Aaron Berg, Alan Hirsh, Randy Lester, Goldie Gibbons, Allison Grossman, Michael Gibbons, Jake Rashkow and Cassie Weiss.
Photo courtesy of Sue Goldsand |
Over Labor Day weekend, for four days and three nights, 13 families went camping in Williams, a short drive west of Flagstaff. They enjoyed a variety of activities on an expansive 28-acre property. They hiked, they canoed, they gazed at the stars, and they got to know one another. Everyone got along - even teenagers with younger kids.
One more thing. They prayed.
"We had a blast," says Michael Sgro, vice president of administration of Temple Beth Sholom in Chandler.
Some unaffiliated families joined the Beth Sholom contingency and now are considering congregation membership, Sgro remarks.
This is but one example of new efforts being made across the Valley by synagogues to respond to the needs of their congregants.
Equally as significant, synagogues are widening the role they play in supporting congregants' expressions of their Jewish identity: in health, spirituality, family relationships, education and social life.
Most of these efforts either specifically target or attempt to engage congregants in the mid-adult years - between the ages of 35 and 55. At most Valley synagogues, congregants in this age range represent the most vital segment of affiliated families. They teach, attend classes, serve on committees and establish social relationships with other members. Their children participate in preschools and religious schools and youth groups.
When the children have left for college, they often look to the synagogue to help answer the question, "What now?"
Some synagogue programming for midlife adults preserves what has worked in the past to keep this age group engaged in synagogue life; some expands upon previously existing models; and some focuses on the needs of families with children. Still other efforts attempt boldly to revamp the "culture" of the synagogues altogether.
At least that is the theory behind current efforts to "revitalize" and "transform" synagogues. The challenge is to make this theory a reality.
Coming together: a community effort
"We try not to look at (programming) in terms of age," says Merle Weiner, volunteer and chavurah coordinator at Temple Solel in Paradise Valley. "All of it is Temple Solel - one big community family."
"It is a mistake for people to view themselves as time slots as opposed to participating on a continuum," says Judy Schaffert, Temple Solel president. She explains a congregant can study or participate in a social action project with someone the same age, and with people older and younger.
One such project is Solel's "Citrus Picking," through which every year from January to March, congregants glean grapefruit trees in the Arcadia area of Phoenix, then donate their harvest to the Westside Food Bank.
Joni Cohen, program/membership director at Beth El Congregation in Phoenix, says the synagogue does not program for specific age groups. Instead, it plans a variety of events in order to offer choices.
Among these are "Sukkot Under the Stars," a Hanukkah dinner and concert, discussions related to raising children and Sabbath lunches featuring speakers from Arizona State University.
"There is no segregation of ages," says Beth El congregant Lloyd Sirkin, who is in his 40s. "I have always been fond of a nice mixture of all age groups.
Rabbi Bonnie Koppell of Temple Beth Sholom says attracting congregants ages 35 to 55 is made easier by the fact that the majority of members are in that age group and become and remain active because of their genuine desire to express their Jewish identities.
"We are a small congregation," says Sue Goldsand, board member of Temple Kol Ami in Scottsdale. "People linger at the oneg, catching up."
Temple Kol Ami has many congregants in the 35-55 age range, remarks Rabbi B. Charles Herring. Regular worship and the oneg (refreshments) afterward are a place for them to foster relationships.
Rabbi Mark Bisman of Har Zion Congregation in Scottsdale, says Judaism already possesses the means to attract adults in midlife.
Bisman considers regular worship services and the performance of rituals - such as dwelling in the sukkah and waving the lulav and etrog (symbols of the harvest) on the holiday of Sukkot - an excellent way to unite all age groups in communal observance and celebration.
Attending to specific needs
While synagogues hope to attract 35- to 55-year-olds either through communal worship or a variety of events, another possibility is to offer targeted programming.
In the past, specialized programming such as chavurot (small groups based on common interest or experience), Sabbath dinners, adult education, singles programs, and Rosh Chodesh groups (for women), has been successful.
Currently at issue is whether midlife adults will be enticed by these conventional programs.
Some synagogues, for example, continue to offer chavurot as a means to attract this age range.
"They create their own programming, and we act as consultants," says Weiner. Many such activities are social in nature or built around studying.
Cohen says one-third of the members of Beth El Congregation belong to a chavurah.
"Every year after the (High Holidays), we form new groups," she says, each with eight to 10 members matched by age and, at times, by neighborhood.
"We feel a strong affiliation, almost a tether, to Beth El," says Denise Simmons. "It gives us more than just an education for our children."
Denise and her husband, Denton, belong to a chavurah with six other couples. Each year group members select a study topic.
Beth El provides them with the books and materials they need for self-directed study and discussion.
Rabbi Ayla Grafstein says Ruach Hamidbar, Spirit of the Desert, a Jewish Renewal synagogue in Paradise Valley, stresses the Sabbath and the home to attract various age groups.
Dinner hosts and guests, matched by age group: 25-35, 35-45 and 45-55, meet most often in participants' homes.
Grafstein also has tapped into the matchmaking tradition. She plans for singles in two groups, 35-45 and 45-55.
She is now organizing "Basherte Workshop" (finding your Jewish soul mate), Nov. 10-12 in Scottsdale, devoted to helping single adults find their match. Ruach Hamidbar is cosponsor with other Valley Jewish organizations.
Temple Chai in Phoenix has its own self-selected singles group. "It is not a young person's program anymore," says Rabbi Lisa Tzur. Participants range in age from 35 to 55.
Temple Solel is tapping into the tradition of marking the new moon by starting a series of Women's Rosh Chodesh meetings. The first meeting was Sept. 9, and many young mothers of school children attended, says Beverly Raker, vice president in charge of programming.
"They are looking for a way to connect, a bonding," she says.
Temple Chai, like many synagogues in the Valley, builds its services for members on the foundation of traditional Torah study.
One successful program is Chai Academy, an eight-week series of Wednesday evening classes. An Advanced Studies class that requires a three-year commitment meets every three weeks and includes homework.
The two classes, which are open to all adults, attract a significant number of people ages 35-55, explains Tzur.
Temple Chai is not alone in offering classes to adults. Adult b'nai mitzvah classes and Saturday morning Torah classes are common. All these classes draw congregants in the mid-adult age range. And many are beginning to target the parents of preschool and religious-school children.
What about the kids?
The issue of children raises one the most complex aspects of serving adults 35 to 55 years old. Children in the same grade at school may have parents of varying ages. Often, the primary bond that parents of children in the same class share is the age of their children.
Leaders worry that midlife adults are likely to become synagogue dropouts. They struggle to prevent families from terminating their memberships after their children become b'nai mitzvah, and again after confirmation or graduation from religious school.
Across the Valley, synagogues are becoming more attuned to needs of children and parents alike and are working to address both at the same time. In doing so, synagogues hope to build a strong social foundation for congregants.
"Fulfilling the needs of young children fulfills the needs of parents as well," says Rabbi Chaim Silver of Young Israel, an Orthodox congregation in Phoenix.
Silver explains parallel social-educational tracks. Just as the education of children is inherently a social activity, so is Torah study and other activities for those 35 to 55.
Sandy Liberman of Ruach Hamidbar is more than satisfied with her own educational experience and with that of her daughter Allegra, who will become bat mitzvah this year. Liberman has taught in the religious school and studied both Torah and Kabala with Grafstein.
"Allegra has said she wants to continue," says Liberman. "That makes me ecstatic."
Grafstein "has been tenacious with my daughter (Sara) in particular," says Sherrie Zeitlin, a Ruach Hamidbar congregant. "She has been educated in a joyful way."
Zeitlin, an artist, facilitates synagogue arts and crafts activities for both children and adults.
This winter, Sara's little sister Hannah will become bat mitzvah. Sara will sing during the ceremony.
Grafstein explains it is common for students at Ruach Hamidbar to continue to participate in the synagogue after b'nai mitzvah.
Temple Emanuel in Tempe offers both parent and child education in its Sunday morning adult education classes, "Carpool College."
The point is for parents to show their children that education is worth their time, says Vivian Gealer, adult education chairwoman.
"We want them to not just dump off (their kids) and go to the gym."
Temple Solel has a similar program called PACT, Parents and Children Together, but unlike Temple Emanuel, where parents and children study separately, at Solel parents of second- and fourth-graders study with the children once a month, says Schaffert.
Pardes School, a day school at Temple Solel, has formed "the Cabinet," a parents' group. They do fund raising, provide support for school events and participate as coaches and drivers in an intramural league the school has joined.
"They are learning to be there for each other," says Schaffert. "Parents (first have to) see tangible results with their kids and then see K'lal Yisrael," referring to the responsibility to participate in the "greater family of Israel."
Temple Kol Ami's Room Rep Program, now in its second year, includes the families of children in kindergarten through seventh grade.
"I hesitate to call it a 'program,' " says Bob Bessen, co-chairman of the RRP and Temple Kol Ami board member. "We do not want to create a club atmosphere that makes you feel either 'in' or 'out.' "
The purpose of the RRP is to "get the students' families together socially," says Bessen.
The RRP has planned picnics, softball games and Hanukkah parties. A crucial side benefit, says Bessen, is when the parents get together, "it is an opportunity to discuss the issues kids are facing at that age."
A continuing challenge facing synagogues, however, is how to address the needs of the empty nesters, whose children have left for college.
"We have the fewest specific programs for adults whose kids are grown," says Cohen. "It is hard to figure out what they are looking for." At Beth El, more adults become synagogue dropouts after their children graduate high school than do so following their b'nai mitzvah.
Temple Solel struggles as well to retain members whose children have left for college.
"If (a program) comes up that presses a button, they join in," says Raker. But if not, they tend to become less and less active.
"Sometimes, once the kids have left, they get more reclusive," says Linda Zell, administrator for Temple Kol Ami. "But life doesn't end when the kids are gone."
She says the synagogue is forming chavurot specifically for empty nesters. The programming, she explains, will be whatever interests participants.
Goldsand, who has one child in college and another in high school, is not worried about what she will do when she becomes an empty nester.
"I will look to the community I have become a part of over the last seven years," she predicts.
Forging ahead: changing the culture
Bisman says synagogues typically "create sub-units and territories." These include the preschool, religious school, brotherhood, sisterhood - to name but a few.
He says it is not easy to present an idea that varies from the pattern of organizing around these traditional groupings.
It first must be presented clearly to the congregation, says Bisman. Then he must find a "contact person," and only afterward build a constituency.
His current goal is to start a family education program. He says the idea is "re-empowering parents ... to recover the role of instructors of Jewish life in the family." It will involve "the breakdown and reconfiguring" of the way the Har Zion Congregation views education.
Bisman stresses that to implement his family-education idea, advocates will need to be patient and adopt long-range thinking.
With its Shalom Center, Temple Chai has successfully reached out to the congregation in general and to those 35 to 55 in particular. Rather than implementing a single program or attempting to build connections between existing programs or groups, Chai opted to create an independent center offering a variety of programs to a number of constituencies.
The Shalom Center, directed by Sharona Silverman, is built in part on the concept that support and comfort transcend age.
Its Sunday morning "Service of Hope and Comfort" is a support group offering hope and comfort to a mix of older and younger congregants, says Silverman.
The "Rebuilding our Lives" group is open to those who are divorced, separated or widowed.
Silverman says in addition, many women need a chance "to express themselves in a way that they can't as homemakers." For this reason, the Shalom Center is offering a "Women's Discovery Group," a journaling class "for younger parents who need a break - to get out of home without her child."
Another class provides a valuable resource to all Temple Chai members. The "Bikur Cholim" (visiting the sick) course has drawn 60 applicants, many of whom are aged 35-55. Silverman says for people of any age who recently joined Temple Chai, the class is a wonderful "way to meet other congregants and get involved."
Rabbi Michael Wasserman, who recently arrived at Beth El Congregation, is initiating an innovative healing service by tapping into "a new-old form of Jewish liturgy." He explains that prayer is traditionally about "public declarations," not "individual needs."
Wasserman hopes to use "traditional forms in a non-traditional manner" to create a new way of worshipping. Along with his wife Rabbi Elana Cantor, he will use music, nigunim (singing without words), text study and readings to create "a sense of overall wholeness."
Wasserman says the highlight of the service will be providing participants the opportunity to hold the Torah and offer a private prayer or meditation.
Wasserman and Cantor introduced this service Sept. 17. Depending upon how it is received, Wasserman hopes to schedule it throughout the year.
"It was so moving. It brought tears to your eyes," says Simmons, one of 150 participants in the service. "I felt healing, completeness, a connection to God." She adds she was particularly moved when congregants held the Torah and "prayed for people who needed help and healing."
Koppell says, without a strong social base and a sense of community, midlife adults will continue to drop out of synagogue life after their children become b'nai mitzvah or graduate from high school.
For this reason, she has advocated the Labor Day weekend camping trip, in addition to a monthly Temple Beth Sholom game night offering Trivial Pursuit, cards and ping-pong.
"It is important to get them keyed in and connected with members of the congregation. Then they will want to be part of the community," she says.
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