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March 10, 2000/3 Adar II 5760, Vol. 52, No.27
Traditions, wisdom join generations
Program honors grandparents, focuses on uniting families
LEISAH NAMM
Staff Writer
Grandparents Annamay and Myron Weintraub, left, help their granddaughter Allie Weintraub, 7, and daughter-in-law, Lori Weintraub, complete an art project.
Photo by Mark Gluckman
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Three generations joined together for breakfast, arts and crafts, storytelling and singing at an intergenerational program on Sunday, Feb. 27, at Temple Chai in Phoenix.
Parents often join in temple events, says Ava Keenen, Temple Chai's director of education, but this is the first time grandparents were specifically invited. "We've wanted to include them for a long time and we haven't gotten around to telling them how much we've appreciated them before."
The program was designed to focus on the importance of multigenerational relationships, but also as a way "to teach our children how to honor (their grandparents) and respect them," Keenen says.
The program, which had more than 1,000 participants, also included a session with storyteller Daniel Lev and two panels for adults.
One panel, which included Temple Chai's Rabbi William Berk and Douglas Jardine, a gerontologist, sociologist and counselor, focused on ways Jews can meet the challenges and opportunities of a multigenerational society.
One approach is storytelling, Jardine says, which helps to pass along valuable lessons from generation to generation.
Joanne Szpaizman, a Temple Chai parent, understands the importance of storytelling in her family.
Her father, Norman Hirsch, served in the Air Force during World War II and tells her sons, David, 15 and Steven, 6, stories about the war. He also explains how hard he had to work when he was younger and "how important education is," Szpaizman says. Hirsch also tells his grandsons that he doesn't want them to have to do the "hard, back-breaking work" that he had to do when he was younger.
Szpaizman's father, who lives with her, her husband Sergio, and their sons, "goes everywhere" they do, including family vacations, Szpaizman says.
They have a phone relationship with the boys' paternal grandmother, Dolores Szpaizman, who lives in Florida, and visit with her every year.
When grandparents live out-of-state, it may not be possible for children to spend much time with them, but it's important that children spend time with somebody from that generation, Berk says. That way, they can see other options and views in life in addition to those of their parents.
This gives children "greater opportunities for living in a broader world," Berk says.
Three sets of grandparents are actively involved in the lives of Andrew Weintraub, 13, and his sister Allie,7. The grandparents help to broaden their grandchildren's world because they are all very different, says the children's mother, Lori Weintraub.
One set of grandparents takes pleasure in treating the children to nice restaurants, taking them on vacations and buying them nice clothes, Weintraub says.
Another grandmother enjoys baking and working on arts and crafts projects with the children. When the children visit their grandfather who likes to fix things, they use his power tools, help him garden, and go to the ballet with his wife.
A second panel at Temple Chai's intergenerational program was called "Transitions Within the Family." In this session, panelists from the temple spoke about how they deal with personal life transitions.
Panelist Rabbi Lisa Tzur spoke about becoming a working mother and learning to balance her time between obligations to her family and her congregation.
Karen Benson, another panelist, has recently experienced the "empty nest" syndrome - a feeling of emptiness many parents experience once their grown children move away from home. Taking time for yourself and maintaining a relationship with your spouse while the children are still living at home help deal with the change once the children move out, Benson explains.
Nola Karel, the third panelist, spoke about finding a new life after the children are grown up and have lives of their own.
Each speaker emphasized the importance of family and community during transitional times. Benson recommended havurot (fellowship groups) as a type of surrogate family, if no family lives nearby.
Family traditions are also important, Tzur says.
Geralyn and Cory Solman, with their three children, Zachary, 14; Jordan, 9; and Abbey, 8; share several such customs.
They celebrate Shabbat nearly every Friday, reciting the prayers over wine and challah (braided egg bread) and a prayer for the sick, Geralyn Solman says. They usually prepare the Shabbat meal together.
Their extended family also joins together for dinner on the first night of Hanukkah, for the Yom Kippur break-fast meal and for the Passover seder.
For the Beliak family, the synagogue has become a "second home," Marci Beliak says. She attends Friday night services at Temple Chai as often as possible with her husband, Bob, and their children, Avi, 18; Sari, 15; and Risa, 6.
On Friday nights the family lights Shabbat candles, recites prayers and shares a special dinner. Every night before bed, Risa says the Shema (prayer) with her parents, Marci Beliak says. On Saturdays, Marci and Avi attend services together.
"It's a special time. We all race through the week and we know that this is our time," she says.
Berk cites an example from the Talmud of the Jewish view of elders regarding the respect they are owed:
"Before an older person, you shall rise and you shall honor the elder, you shall fear God, I am Hashem (God)" (Kiddushin 32B).
"Elders are witnesses; they are survivors. They have seen life and they have not given up," Berk says. "They have seen many miracles and wonders. Life is sacred and the elder is the ultimate symbol of the holiness of life."
"It's not about aging," says Lois Roth, a grandmother who moved to the Valley 10 years ago from New York to be near her grandchildren. "It's about living. Some people at 75 are like 50 and some at 50 are like 75. You live for the moment."
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